Locked| Izaya x Shizuo, Shizaya. Discontinued

Chapter 13: A Denial

Third Person POV:
The crying raven male shot his head in at the beast. His heart began to race as he stared at that tall blond beast. The raven male wondered and cursed this reaction he was having. 'How could I let him see me like this' The info broker thought as he made a quiet hissing sound. Shizuo stood in the doorway simply watching all of this unfold. Was it really true? Was the "Great" Izaya Orihara really just crying?
  Shizuo's POV.
  I took a step forward trying to figure out why he was crying. This caused a negative reaction from the damn flea though. The flea glares at me, dead in the eyes. He wiped his tears, although the effort was in vain for more tears spilled out, and he spoken, "What do you want, Shi-zu-chan? C-came here to mock me?" Izaya's voice was broken. He even stuttered? Whatever he is crying about... It's obvious on the fact he was simply shoving it done. Further and further into the abysmal heart of this monster.
  No matter how hard I tried to hate him or even get pissed at the fact he used that god awful nickname I couldn't. Izaya at this moment was far too pathetic. Seeing him like this triggered something in me. I don't know what, maybe it's pissing me off.
  I took another step towards Izaya. At this point he was desperately trying to clean his face off, ridding himself of tears. He occasionally looked up at me with a not so cocky smirk. That smirk was broken and shaky. 'What the hell caused this?' Was the only question running through my mind.
  "Izaya. What the hell's gotten into you."
  "The hell Shizuo, what's made you 'oh I'm so c-caring now. Oh look at me I'm Sh-Shi-'" He couldn't even utter out my name.
  I let out a somewhat frustrated sigh before sitting down in front of him. I didn't say a word I simply watched him. The once greatly annoying trash that sits before me, crying like a child. The crying started to piss me off, although I held in my frustrations.
  Izaya continued crying for at least a good five more minutes. He didn't look at me as he wiped his tears. This was so damn confusing, what the hell triggered this?? When was Izaya even capable of crying??
  "I hate this." Izaya finally spoke. For someone who was balling their eyes out he spoken usually louder than most people would. I looked at him for a moment waiting for him to add onto his original trail of thought, but he didn't. 'I hate this' was the only words he uttered from his mouth. "Can I ask why?" I said in my usual voice. I honestly don't think I care that he's crying. I just want to know why.
  "You're such an idiot. You know that?" Izaya paused to wipe his eyes then look at me. His eyes were bloodshot and his cheeks were red. The man continued, "You're hated so much. No one loves you and they want you dead. You're just a god damn monster." Izaya talked with venomous words. I know what he was saying was a load of crap, I had plenty of friends. I let out a low growl as I glared back at him.
  I glared into his eyes and saw something. His eyes were the only thing off from the rest of his hideously cruel face. They looked hurt and emotional. "What are you gettin' at flea. Is that why you're balling like some baby, Because you hate me." That seemed to hit him back down. He didn't respond but his face slowly went neutral and his eyes shifted away from me.
  "I'm fine. I was just-" Izaya paused for a second then continued, "God, why does it matter? Everyone cries. So what I cried." I rolled my eyes at this middle schooler response. "Yeah sure but not like that. Just talk to me Izaya. Why. Were. You. Crying." I talk sternly to him with a hushed growl in my voice. Izaya lets out an annoyed sigh. "I just don't want to talk. Can we just, move on." Izaya shoots a glare at me before pushing my shoulder creating more distance between us. I rolled my eyes and got up.
  There's really no point to try and help someone who obviously doesn't want it. Besides this is Izaya. I hate this man without a doubt, but part of me aches. It's just pity. After all a man like that is just pathetic and pitiful. I left the room and walked to the living room. He was fine in the end, right? It doesn't matter anyway. I just need to find something else to focus on.
  Izaya's POV.
  I watched Shizuo leave. I really don't blame him. Once he was gone I got up from the bed. I just walked to the window and stared at my reflection. This was the face of a "monster" in his eyes. I was no god to him, nor am I a god to anyone else. I know myself more than anyone will ever know. I was a jagged rock on the outside. Perfectly crafted and made for defense and strictly defense. I know who I am on the inside.
  Inside of that rock is a damn coward. Someone so weak I had to make such a hard shell. Why was my defenses cracking? I don't get it. I broke down because of those stupid words I'm always told. Words of hate, god I hate this place. I hated it hear so much. I don't understand as to why I feel so weak while I'm here. All my thoughts dwelling and swirling it's becoming to much. Worst of all I have to stay here with Shi- with Him. There's honestly no point in thinking of him.
  He has only gotten in the way. Years of our rivalry and him being such an unpredictable time bomb. I hate how even now, where he can't hurt me physically, he hurts me. I hate the way he shows a tinge of kindness only to bite me back with bitterness. Why even try being kind? Why even try talking to me? Wasn't this place suppose to be 'safe'? We wouldn't hurt my beautiful city and we wouldn't hurt each other. So why is he hurting me so much now?!
  I absolutely despise him.. Yes. That's what I always tell myself. That's what I'll always tell myself until the day I die. I despise him because I can't control him. I despise him because of his shitty attitude. I despise him for the way he is able to make me feel so easily! That is why I despise him most of all. He is foolish for showing off his emotions. That's the only way I can get some sort of grasp on him but I won't. I know I won't. I can't. I hate him so much I can't do it.
  I stare into my reflection for a bit longer before finally turning to the doorway. I walk out and to the living-room. I stand behind Shizuo and look at him. I touch the back of his collar. Dammit not a damn moment of privacy.
  Shizuo turned and looked up at me. He spoke, "Are you done being a-" I cut him off. I honestly didn't want to hear his insults. "I don't get you. You're sweet and bitter. I hate you and I don't. It's mostly hate but at the same time I don't." Maybe this was a confession, or at least the start of one. It wasn't a confession of "love" god no I hate him. Although it was still a confession.
  "What do you mean you don't hate me." Shizuo had officially turned completely around to face me. He stared up at me with curiosity. "It means I don't hate you. I don't need to go in depth explaining myself to the likes of you, got it?" I said crossing my arms. The beast of a man let out a huff. "You can't just say 'I don't hate you' and not explain a damn thing. Is that why you were in there balling? Because god forbid you not hate me." He pressed on with questions.
  "No. I wasn't crying because I don't hate you. I was crying because I felt weak and that's what people do when they feel weak right? They cry. Pathetic yeah yeah."
  "... I guess you're not wrong but it's you. I never would have expected to see you cry."
  "I never expected to cry it just happened. No more questions okay. I honestly want to forget this shitty day."
  "I won't forget it Izaya." He spoke softly which was odd, but made me blush due to the simple fact it was unexpected.
  "Why's that."
  "Because it means somewhere in that dark abyss of yours you have a heart. You're not a complete monster. Besides I wanna know more about your thoughts."
  "I said no more questions."
  "I know." He growled, "I'll talk to you later about all this shit."
  I had no response for this. This entire situation was unnecessary. I couldn't read what Shizuo was thinking anymore. That was frustrating, but at the same time gave me something to focus on.
  "I'm going back to our room." I said turning around. Before I could make any progression to the room Shizuo grabbed my wrist. He had a strange look on his face. In response I gave him a slightly disgusted look. "Just sit here. Watch TV. Don't go back to our room just to fall back into some fit." Shizuo let my arm go. This is what hurt so much. The kindness, it made me wonder when he would bitterly attack me. Despite every muscle in my body wanting to run away I stayed. I walked to the other end of the couch and sat down.
  "Do you wanna watch the news? You like keein' up to date right?" Shizuo asked. It was strange and painful how he acted so caring like he knew me so well. While I liked keeping up to date, today was not the day for my humans. It was a day for myself and the monster. "No. I don't want to hear about people today." Was my response. In an odd way this seemed to please him. Shizuo turned on some show, which of course I tuned out. I just stared at him and went into thought.
  I don't hate him. I don't hate him. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. I don't want to hate him. I want something. What is it that I want? I want to kill him. No that's not it. I want him. Maybe? But how? This is wrong. So wrong. I hate him and he hates me. This is an act to hurt me. The ultimate revenge. He knows how weak I am. He knows I- there is nothing. I feel nothing but hate for him. I DO hate him. Nothing more than hate. My heart ached. When will he hurt me? I don't want to be hurt by him. Anyone but him can hurt me. Anyone.

  I hope you enjoyed it. I honestly had a plan for this chapter and the rest of the story. But my hiatus has totally made me forget. Thanks life. Sorry for the inactivity. Honestly I'm just working a few things out. It'll be okay (:
AnywAYSS next chapter I am thinking about Shizuo having an internal feelings war. (:
This chapter is done. Idk if any of y'all are even reading this lolol but whatever. I am tired and Eh. Anyways! Hope you enjoyed the chapter! Have a good day lovelys!! ;)