Feeling Intensely

Ephemeral Cordolium

On Monday morning, Elleora felt like death. She hadn't slept all night. How could she, knowing that she had a class with the Devil Incarnate. She had had chills all night, even nightmares without ever sleeping. She even considered dropping the class. But how long would she go on like this. He should be avoiding her, ashamed of what he had done. He should be the one having nightmares.

And so, she got to class 20 minutes early, grabbing the most inconspicuous seat and put her hood on, her hair covering most of her face. She picked on the rubber band on her hand constantly. She scrolled through her phone, looking over and over through the several posts that she had already seen.

Till someone sat next to her and bumped their leg to hers. She looked up, defensively, moving to the other end of her seat.
"Izel.", she breathed out, wanting to feel butterflies but unable to think of anything but Arien.

"Were you able to spot me easily?", Elleora questions, dropping her head back down, letting her hair cover her face.

"Well, there are only three other people here.", Izel teases, uncharacteristically. Elleora was unable to digest that things had begun to change between them. How she no longer was a stranger to him. How they might just be friends? Elleora tended to forget that she now, had those.

"Morning Folks!.."
Elleora's leg began hitting the floor, bobbing aggressively up and down. She started picking on her rubber band again. She no longer cared that Izel sat next to her. There was only so much that she could control. Pulling at it harder and harder and harder.

"Elleora, are you okay?", Izel asked, his voice laced with concern.

Her rubber band snapped. She couldn't breathe. What if he saw her? What if he laughed at her in front of the entire class? She began to scratch her thigh. She tore at it till Izel grabbed her hand.

"Look at me Elleora."

"Elleora. Look. at. me."

Izel gasped. Elleora's entire face was red. Her eyes repeatedly blinking to see clearly because of the tears.
"Come with me! I'll take you to the nurse."

"No, I can't!", Elleora exclaimed, her other hand pushing Izel's arm to push him back into his seat.

"Why Elleora? You're clearly not okay. Please let me take you to the nurse's.", Izel pleaded.

"I-I can't let him-m see me.", Elleora stutters, embarrassed of letting Izel see her this way, of telling him.

"Who? Who are you talking about?"

"Arien, the T.A.", Elleora let's out. Izel looks at her, she can see him trying to piece things together.

"Okay, what do you want me to do?, Izel asks. Elleora stays quiet. She doesn't know. She felt better, talking to him, sitting next to him.

Not like he could protect her. No, she didn't need protection. She needed comforting. She needed consoling. She needed Izel's presence to make her forget. But she couldn't tell him that. He'd look at her like she was bananas.

She instead asked him to let go of her arm and then held his hand; lacing her fingers through his.  And he didn't say anything. Instead, his thumb rubbed her thumb reassuringly. And throughout the entire class, her hand stayed in his. He did let go of her hand once but only to make a backwards waffle so that he could write and take down notes.

Izel asked her every 10 minutes if she was okay and she would nod slowly.
And Elleora thought of nothing else but of her hand in his. And the numerous questions that questioned what this meant. Obviously he did it because she was about to have a breakdown and that's all he could have done to help her. But why couldn't it be more than that.