Fallen Angel

Part IV

I was surprised to hear that he had a long story as well. Actually, know that I think about it, it didn't surprise me at all. I knew that he had been hiding something from me that was deep in his soul. Something that he was afraid to tell other people because he was scared that he would be hated on. "What happened to you?" I asked, curious now because he was silent and I wanted to know more about him. He always kept his true emotions hidden, just like his aunt, to make it seem that he was the happiest, most popular person alive. He started to talk after a while of him staring off into the distance, thinking deeply.

He said, "Well, as you know, my name is Rowan. I've always been the star child of my whole family. I am the youngest, which should mean that I am the most immature one out of my siblings. But, my brother is addicted to drugs and is on the streets somewhere and my sister ran away with her boyfriend. We don't know where she is because she decided to cut off all contact with us. Because of all of this, I've been pressured by my parents my whole life to be this perfect child that can do no wrong. They kept on shoving my brother and sister in my face, saying how I should and shouldn't be. They control everything that I do, the people that I talk to, and even what I should think. I was a pretty flamboyant child when I was younger..." This pause in his speech got me wondering. Is he actually gay? Should I have told him that I was? Is he scared to tell me? With all of these thoughts in my mind, he continued with, "My parents are very big followers of the church, so they hated me being so flamboyant because they were scared that I might be gay. They saw me as a sin for most of my early life, hitting me when I was acting too 'gay' in public. The funny thing is, I didn't even know what gay meant back then. It was just the way that I acted naturally. Then, when I started to get feelings for other boys..." He stopped again and I saw tears starting to well up in his eyes. I told him that he could stop if he wanted to, but he said that he was fine and said, "I was scared about what my parents would say if they ever found out. So I started to live my life with a fake facade of being straight. I got a couple of girlfriends to convince my parents that I was straight, but the relationships never lasted long. They always found out that I was gay, but instead of being angry, they gave me support when I needed them most. The punishments from my parents kept getting worse and worse and I actually started to believe that I was a monster. I developed an eating disorder because I felt that starving myself was the only way for me to pay for what I was. I disguised it from my parents by building muscle at the same time. So now here I am, living in a masquerade of lies, where if one gets unmasked, all of them will be revealed. It's so hard to be living a life where I can't even be myself. I can't even do anything about it because if I decide to be who I actually am, my parents will leave me alone and never talk to me again. I just can't be so strong anymore..."

After he said this he fell onto my lap and started to cry. I could feel the tears rolling down my thigh as he cried two beautiful but sad waterfalls. I started to pet his hair, trying to make him feel better. I never knew that he felt this way, I thought, I always thought he was happy about who he was. But he is actually so insecure on the inside. He's not crying because he is weak. He's crying because he has been strong for too long. After a couple of minutes of him crying, he looked up at me with his bright, hazel eyes. They seem to be darker now, but they are glistening in the light more. He looks into my own ocean blue eyes, and he starts to get up. He then leans towards me until his face is inches away from mine. I could feel his breath against my skin as he puts his hands on my cheeks. He pulls me to him. I take a breath before he touches his lips to mine. He kisses me gently at first and then, as if he's reaching for something more, he pushes me against the bed and kisses me harder. His lips are warm and soft and his hair brushes against my face. It takes me a moment to realize that I'm kissing him just as hungrily.

Then, suddenly, I feel like somebody is watching me. I had my eyes closed during the whole kiss. I opened up my eyes, and there was my father, glaring at me through the doorway, and his face was filled with rage.