Patience | jily • wolfstar

Snivellus Snape • Remus

°Homophobic slurs in this chapter°

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"Goodnight." I said as Lily made her way out of the dorm.

Finally alone.

Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed getting to talk to Lily, I just have things of my own to worry about as well. But, maybe now that I've her to talk to, I can finally get everything off of my chest.

Everything like the way Sirius grabbed my hand today, and didn't grab Peter's. The way he grinned whenever James did something completely out of order, and the way he'd wink at me as he joined him. The way he turned into his dog form whenever I was upset, and the way that took my mind off of everything but him.

Even the way Sirius fucking breathes puts a weight on my chest I don't think I can ever get rid off.

Could talking about it take the weight away? Could Lily put my heart at ease? Or would Lily be disgusted? Smart money says she'll be disgusted, but I hope that's just the pessimist talking.

But if she were to be disgusted, would that ruin James's chances with her? No matter how horrifyingly low his chances are with her, they're still there, and I don't want to be the reason they disappear.

Who would want to date someone who's friends with a fag, anyway? Let alone be friends with one.

But what if this a risk I have to take? Can I really live the rest of my life like this? Should I just marry a woman, a friend maybe? Someone I could learn to love. I can't do that.

It's Sirius I really want, it's Sirius i-

"Bloody flipping fuck!"

I was jerked out of my thoughts when the door burst open, slamming shut in seconds.

Sirius.

"Mate, you would not believe what the hell just happened, like can a bitch get a second?!" I watched as he threw himself on my bed, right in front of me. I wanted to kick him off, because he was just too close. But instead, I simply raised a brow, prompting him to go on.

Though he couldn't see that gesture, I suppose it wasn't really necessary as he went on regardless.

"James and I spent Merlin knows how long waiting for Dumbledore and listening to Snape complain and McGonagall lecture us, which was bloody fucking annoying on its own, but then guess the fuck what!" if he wanted me to guess, he sure didn't give me the time to, because he just went on. "Dumbledore finally gets there and he's like "oh what's this" and McGonagall is like "well" and then the bloody bloke is just like "good day" and just fucking? leaves? like what the hell mate!" Sirius ranted on, though he didn't really seem bothered about it to me, he surely was red in the face.

"You done?" I asked, trying my best to sound calm, because bloody fuck does he have to be so close? Sirius then lifted his head out of my pillows to glare at me, ticked I didn't give much of a response I suppose.

"Am I ever?" he quipped, and his grin nearly killed me. "I suppose not." I returned the the grin, keeping my composure.

I don't know when, but at some point Sirius had flipped on his back, facing the ceiling and I laid down to do the same.

How the hell do we both fit on the bed like this?

"Say, moony," Sirius kept his eyes on the ceiling, and I wish I could've been doing the same. "What's up, pads?" Keep it natural.

"Where are James and Peter?" he asked, turning his head slightly to look at me.

Shit. He's right, where the hell are James and Peter?