Fallen Angel /complete

Here Comes Goodbye

As I stepped through the door, Lucas walked around the corner. His face was blank, and he glanced at me before walking to his room. I didn't want to face him without a plan. So, I laid on the couch and tried to think of what to do. I tossed and turned the whole night.

My eyes were bleary when the sun began to stream in through the windows. I turned on the television to pass the time, waiting for Lucas to wake up. I paid no mind to the program on at the time and fixated on what I planned to say. My stomach felt like it would heave if I tried to eat breakfast. My throat was dry and tense.

Lucas walked into the room and leaned against the wall. He looked at me blankly and seemed like he was waiting for me to start. I returned his gaze before turning off the TV and casting my eyes downwards. I wrapped my arms around my updrawn knees. He sighed and sat on the other side of the couch.

His eyes seemed to hold no judgement as he asked, "where were you last night?"

I picked at a string on my sock, "I was at a friend's house."

He nodded out of the corner of my eye, "this the same friend you stayed with the past couple months?"

I looked over at him, "yeah, it is."

"Catalyn, what's going on? You've been irritated with me all week and I hardly see you anymore. I don't even know the last time we went on a proper date."

My voice cracked a little as I said, "I know. I haven't been fair to you, Lucas. You should know I never had the intention to hurt you."

He scratched at the slight stubble across the bottom portion of his chin, "I believe you."

I sighed and turned to face him fully, "Lucas, I need to tell you something."

"Obviously," he stated monotonously.

"Yes, I was at a friend's house. Yes, he is a guy. There was never a time in the past that I thought there was anything beyond that between us."

I could tell his throat was straining as much as mine was as he asked, "and something changed in the past week, didn't it?"

I nodded, "I don't know what happened last night. I feel terrible about it and I know that I shouldn't have kissed him. But, I did. I am so sorry, Lucas. You don't deserve that."

He nodded once again and remained quiet. I didn't know what else to say. I didn't know if I could make it better. I didn't even know what I wanted anymore. I should be with Lucas, shouldn't I?

Lucas turned to me, "do you love him?"

My heartrate quickened if that was even possible, "Lucas..."

He nodded slowly, "Catalyn, you're a wonderful woman. You're great with max. You aren't super needy or anything like that. And I love that when you have an opinion about something, you aren't afraid to say it. But this week especially, has made me realize that you don't need me."

I could feel my eyes welling a little, "Lucas..."

He held his hand up and continued levelly, "I want you to need me. But I know that you don't love me. So, I assure you that I will be fine. I am glad you were honest with me. It is obvious that your heart belongs to someone else."

He stood and walked towards the door, cleared his throat and said, "you are welcome to stay here one more week while you figure out other accommodations. I hope you can find your happiness. But I am now realizing that I cannot be it."

And with that, he shut the door. I heard his car door shut and as he drove away, I replayed his words in my head. With a sinking stomach, I walked to the house phone and dialed my cousin's apartment. They didn't ask any questions as they picked me and my stuff up in the beat-up pickup truck Liam had recently bought. They tried to cheer me up with Hawaiian pizza, but that only made me think of my conversation with Azrail about pineapple and eventually the memories from last night.