How to break a heart

I don't hate you

I can barely keep the tears from my eyes. I love him. But I can never have him.

It's dinner and we're sitting round the table. But I just don't care about dad's comments anymore. I don't care about anything anymore. Don't say I'm being dramatic. If you haven't felt it, you never will. Lucky. But in the end, this is my fault. All of it. I'm a disappointment to dad. I'm not good enough. I made Eliza cry. I broke her heart. I'm the one who fell for Alexander and his beautiful eyes. There's no one else to blame. How can I be so stupid?

"Angelica! Stop dawdling and eat your food." Dad exclaims.

I don't even say anything. There's no point anymore.

"Oh, stop sighing Angelica! You sound like a vent!"

Dinner is silent. Eliza and Peggy say nothing like always. Dad only talks to criticize our etiquette. Nothing different from normal.

The moment dinner is over, I leave.

I sink down onto the floor.

Why did I let him into my heart?

The tears I was holding in all day flood out. I want to stop but I can't. Come on, Angelica! Only babies cry! You're seventeen. You're the oldest Schuyler sister! You're seriously crying? Think of everything that happened to Alexander. Does he cry? Alexander...

I hold my face in my hands. No surprise dad thinks I'm a disappointment. Is there even a point me being alive? I'm nothing special. Yet another girl to fall in love with him. Nothing special. Nothing.

That's when the door creaks open.

I don't even move. I don't even look up. But it's not Eliza. Eliza barely makes a sound when she walks. It's not Peggy. Peggy always knocks the door and opens the door without waiting. It's dad.

I don't want him to see me like this. A sniveling mess of a daughter.

"Angelica? You left the table quite abruptly! You really should've asked."

I can't take it anymore.

"Dad, I'm sorry okay! I know I'm not good enough! I- I-"

I sink lower, crying into my knees. He notices my tear stained face and frowns.

"Why are you upset?"

Dad doesn't care. I bet he's gonna chew me out for taking ten minutes out of his precious schedule.

"You don't care. You never will...."

"Angelica Schuyler! I am your father and I care about you! So stop crying and tell me what's wrong!"

Why not? I'm past the point of caring about what dad thinks of me. It's a lost cause. I'll never be good enough anyway.

"I bet you're gonna get me in trouble for this but I'm in love! And it can never happen! Never..."

Dad's face softens a little.

"Oh. You were acting a little different.... I'm honestly not surprised. You're at that age where love comes and ruins everything."

I look up at him.

"How would you know?"

He sighs.

"Angelica... I know I'm hard on you. I know you hate me. But I care about you and I love you."

"I don't hate you...."

I don't think I do. Hate is a strong word with a strong meaning and he is family. Family always comes first.

I jump up and tackle him in a hug.

He's surprised.

"Young ladies don't attack their elders!" Dad says.

I smile a little.

"Sorry dad..."

You know what, dad is OK. I always say I hate him, but I'm a bit of a drama queen. Dad is family and he loves me (somehow), though he's really bad at showing it.