she makes me weak | cazzie

lame field trip

I'm waiting patiently in the back of the school bus. I might be lying when I say patiently. My fingers can't seem to stay still. I can't stop my leg from shaking up and down. I wonder if this is the effect of coffee I had this morning or because I'm anxious to see her.

I allow my body to sink into the uncomfortable, leather seat. I take a deep breathe in and out, growing inpatient. I look beside me, to the seat that I saved for Izzie.

The only reason I'm going on this lame field trip is to finally spend time with her. She's been a bit distant this week after that encounter with Nate. Everything was perfect until he opened his ignorant, idiotic mouth. I've always thought hate was too strong of a word to feel but I truly hate him with every inch of my body.

The vehicle is filled with rowdy teenagers, I could barely hear myself think. After what feels like an eternity of suffering, the familiar brunette enters the bus. Suddenly I zone out all the noise and all I can hear is the rapid thumping of my own heart. She flashes a quick smile before filling a seat beside her friend in the front of the bus. I literally feel my heart sink to the pit of my stomach and I wish I was exaggerating. With my back to the window, I stretch out my legs and take up the seat I was saving for her. I realize this is going to be a long bus ride so I plug in my earphones, allowing the music to deafen my heavy thoughts.

***

We finally arrive to our destination, a theatre. This is not the way I pictured spending my Friday. I can't believe I'm saying this but I'd rather be coupon hunting with Elsa right now or even watching penguin hatching videos with Sam. Hell! Anything but this.

One by one, we depart from the school bus and make our way towards the building. Ahead of me, I can see Izzie giggling with a group of girls from the team. I walk isolated from my peers. They don't get me, the same way I don't get them... but Izzie gets me. Suddenly, the feeling of self consciousness washes over me and it feels like the first day at Clayton all over again.

The first step inside the enormous building has me taken aback. The floor is covered is rich, velvet carpet. Gold is everywhere. I wouldn't question it if someone said it was all real gold. Again, a wave of self consciousness washes over me. Great. Another reason to feel like I don't belong. I sense that these privileged kids don't even realize how fancy this place is. Maybe is because their houses look the exact same way.

"Hey Casey! Come join us!" my thoughts stop when a girl from the track team calls out. "We don't bite," she signals with her hand to come over.

I hesitate but decide it would probably be rude to ignore her kind gesture. I slowly walk to the group of runners, each step getting closer to Izzie until we're mere inches away from one another. I greet the team before my eyes land on my girlfriend.

We stare at each other, allowing our silence to only create more tension. The rest of the girls are too busy in their conversation to notice our awkward exchange. Izzie seems almost uncomfortable by my presence, not as bubbly as she was a few seconds ago.

"Hey," she's manages to let out.

"Oh you can see me? I thought I might've turned invisible or something because you would never ditch me," I say a little more bitter than I intended.

"Girls catch up!" Without even noticing it, we were left behind.

We walk side by side down the never ending halls, almost pretending like the other person doesn't exist. We enter the theatre and I'm still not used to how fancy this place is. There must be hundreds of seats. Izzie and I are forced to sit together but we keep our distance. The lights in the room dim down, setting a more intimate mood.