Dirty Deeds

CH 28: Making Plans

   We don't talk about Punk's problems or mine over breakfast. In fact, it's a pretty quiet meal. Matt keeps looking at me, as though he's worried about something. Finally, when I can't stand that look on his face any more, I ask him, "What's the matter?"

"Are you okay?"

"I'll be fine," I say. "Eventually."

"All right," Matt says. "Hey, so do you two want to watch Smackdown together tomorrow night?"

Punk grins. "I'd love another look at the audience's reaction to you and McCool, holding hands on the way to the ring."

"Oh, man," I say. "I'd forgotten about that."

Matt says, "How could you forget it? They were completely stunned. So? You guys want to come over?"

"Sure," I say. "Where are we going to watch it at?"

Now he looks unsure. "Um, well, I thought you might like to fly in for the weekend, and hang out at my house?"

Punk's eyes narrow. "Your house? As in, the house in the same town that your brother lives in?"

"Yeah," Matt says.

"As in, I'd probably end up on the front freaking page of some tabloid because I'm hanging out with the Hardy Boyz?" Punk continues.

"Are the tabloids stalking you or something, Punk?" Matt asks. "Because we don't generally see them near my house. Besides, we could keep things quiet. It's a small community, but you won't be the first wrestler that ever came over. It'll be fun."

Punk looks at me. "I think it sounds like fun," I say to them. "But I'm a little nervous about hanging with your brother, Matt."

"Why?" Matt asks. "He's not a horrible person, and he's not holding anything against you. Besides, he very seldom comes over to watch Smackdown with me any more."

"If I go, I'm going to feel weird about it," Punk says. "I mean, you two will be snuggling and where is that going to leave Jeff and I?" He pauses. "And if either of you says 'snuggling', so help me..."

I laugh. "It would be an interesting dynamic. Punk and Jeff Hardy, snuggling."

Punk eyes me. "I know where you sleep, McCool."

"For one more night, anyway."

"As much as I'd like to see the fan reaction," Punk says, "I'll pass. You two are already doing too much damage to my reputation as it is."

"Seriously?" Matt says. "No one actually cares, Punk. I don't know what you did to make the tabloids stalk you, and I really don't want to know. It'll be low key, I promise." He smirks. "And we won't even play the drinking game this time."

"What drinking game?" I ask.

Matt's trying not to laugh, I can tell. "The one where we take a drink every time Punk speaks, of course."

Punk facepalms. "So not helping your case here, Hardy."

"Maybe we'd be better off watching it on neutral ground?" I ask. "I mean, if you want Punk to come. Invite Jeff if you want. We can hang at a hotel or something."

"We already do so much of that," Matt says. "I thought you might want a change."

"I get a change just about every night. Let's get in early to the next venue and stay over. We can still hang out together," I say.

"And then even more people will see Punk hanging out with us," Matt says. "Not that it bothers me. Well, except when someone comes up and asks me how I can betray my brother like that."

"What?" I ask, blinking.

Punk smirks. "Brunch yesterday, before you showed up. Some lady asked Hardy how he could betray his brother by being seen with scum like me."

"She wasn't a lady," Matt mutters. "She was an angry, angry walrus." I lose it. Punk and I are both laughing. Matt frowns at us. "What?"

"An angry, angry walrus?" I repeat, through my laughter.

"Woman!" Matt says. "I said woman!"

"Not what I heard," Punk says. He looks at me, I look at him, and we're out of control again.

Matt's face is red. "Why would I call her a walrus?"

Punk puts his head down on the table, his shoulders still shaking from laughter. I hug Matt. "I don't know why you'd say it," I tell him, "but I'm glad you did. The last couple of days have been kind of gloomy and stressful, and I'm tired of feeling that way. So yes, I'll come to your house." I lean over and nudge Punk. "And so will he."

Punk peeks at me from behind his arm and a curtain of hair. "But..."

"I'll just have to owe you two," I say, poking him in the ribs. "You and I both need all the friends we can get."

He sighs. "You win, McCool." Then he turns to Matt. "We'll be there. But I am not going to snuggle with your brother!"

You know how sometimes a room will go quiet at just the wrong moment? Yeah. Punk's exclamation was louder than the noise in the diner by far. "Um, okay," Matt says. "I wasn't asking you to."

Punk looks at the crowded room, most of whom are staring at us, then bangs his head on the table. "This is all your fault, McCool," he says, just loud enough for us to hear.

"How is it my fault that you don't know how to use your inside voice, Cuddle Monkey?"

"Maybe it's not your fault," he says, "but I'm blaming you, anyway."