Something to Believe In

CH 2: Primal Screams

   I help Michelle put her bags into the back of the car. My stuff's already back there, so we squeeze it all in and end up with a couple of bags in the backseat, as well. "You don't pack light, do you?"

"It's Wrestlemania. No one packs light for that." she says, and for a brief moment, I see a glimmer of the old Michelle. Then she sighs and slides into the passenger seat.

Once we're on the road, she starts playing with the radio buttons listlessly. She's driving me crazy, but at least she seems interested in something. "What's wrong with that one?" I ask, when she passes a station with something I recognize.

Michelle rolls her eyes at me. "Please. It's just screaming."

I feel like screaming, at this point. "It's good screaming, though. You should try it sometime."

"Huh." She frowns at the radio. Then she lets out a horrible, blood curdling scream. I swerve, totally unprepared. I guess I should have known better. Michelle smirks at me. "You're right; I feel better. Thanks."

"Next time, some warning would be nice." My heart is pounding, and I feel like I'm shaking, but she's actually smiling.

"Sorry."

"You are not!"

Michelle laughs. "Okay, I'm not sorry."

I smile at her. "So there's nothing good on the radio, huh?"

"Lucky for you, I brought a CD." She gives me an impish grin and slides a CD into the player. "Made it the other day, just for you."

"Oh?" I glance down at the CD player and wait to see what she's got on there.

"Mm hmm." She looks smug as the sounds of the CD fill the car.

"Uh, what is it?"

"Paralyzer by Finger Eleven." And once she starts singing the words, I know why she's smirking.

"A drinking song? Seriously?" I ask with a groan.

"Oh, not just one, Cuddle Monkey! It's a whole CD of songs to make you feel like you're in a smoky bar."

"That's cruel and unusual punishment." I still sling an arm over her shoulder for a brief hug, though; she did call me Cuddle Monkey. Who knew that the nickname I'd so despised when she gave it to me would make me so happy? It meant that she was feeling better.

"Well, I'm a cruel woman." Ah, crap. Her expression falters.

"Um, so what other songs are on there? Anything I might actually know?"

"Margaritaville?"

"You put Jimmy Buffet on there?" I make a face at her. "And we're headed to Vegas, where there's actually a Margaritaville. Nice."

She bites her lip. "I wasn't thinking about Vegas when I made it. I just thought the CD would be funny."

"Because it goes against everything I believe in? It's hilarious."

She looks out the window. "Yeah. I guess it is."

I don't know what else to do, so I let the CD play. She's staring out at the desert, thinking God knows what, and I've got no idea how to fix this. Maybe I should have let Layla deal with the depression side of things, but I'd been hoping that she'd be happy to be with someone she could tease. Wait, that doesn't sound right. I was hoping that our friendship would help pull her out of it. No, that's not it, either. Okay, I don't know what I was hoping for. That she would find some comfort in my presence, perhaps? That sounds egotistical, and I don't mean it to.

As I'm thinking these thoughts, she picks up a CD at random and changes it into the CD player. It's one of mine. "You didn't have to change it, sunshine."

Michelle shrugs. "Felt like it."

I sigh and turn the music down so that it's nothing but background noise. "Michelle..."

She turns to look at me, her face serious. "You never used to call me Michelle. It was always McCool or sunshine."

"Sometimes I'd call you Michelle."

"Not very often," she says. "In fact, I remember the first time. The three of us were in the car."

I don't want her to think about it. "Okay. But what I was going to say was that you can listen to whatever you want. I don't really care what we listen to."

She drops the drinking music CD into the floorboard and shrugs. "It's fine. I shouldn't mock you."

"If you don't mock me, you won't be you."

"Good."

I sigh. "I don't want you to change who you are."

"Why not?" she asks. "I'm not a good person."

"Maybe we should go back to screaming."

She shoots me a look, though I can't tell if she's amused or annoyed. "You didn't like it when I screamed."

"It would have been fine, had you warned me." I smirk. "Want me to pull over and we can see if we can scream in unison?"

"Wow, Punk. What a weird question." She frowns. "Is that what you do for fun? Pull the car over and make the straightedge society scream in unison?"

"No," I say, in my best mournful voice. "Luke sucks at screaming in unison."

She blinks. "Um, I think that was way too much information, but thanks."

"Geez, McCool," I mutter. "I didn't mean it like that."

She gave me a ghost of a smile. "I know. That's why it was so funny."

I swear, she's going to be the death of me.