Markie

What Now?*

I don't know what to do. I can't tell Alic... it has been my secret for years, and I don't want that to change.

"So you talk to him yet?" Ruby asks when I come over to her house to help out.

"Yes." I say. I don't want to talk about it. Especially with his sisters within earshot.

"And?" She pushes.

"And I told him the truth." I answer.

"Like truth truth? Like completely caught up on someone else truth?" Ruby asks wide-eyed.

"Yes."

"And?... How did he take that?" This girl will not give up. At least she is not letting slip who we are talking about.

"He said I had to tell... The guy I like... said he wasn't leaving until I tell him... said if he accepts me, he'd back away, but until then, he's waiting for me." I explain. Due to the extra ears, I couldn't use names, so the numbers of He's in my explanation is ridiculous.

"So... tell him... I mean, we're at that point... tell him, and you can move on with your mate!" Ruby beams.

"Mate?!" The two teen girls smile at me. Well, that got their attention.

"You found your mate? That's great!" Rachel says.

"Who is it? Can we meet him?" Raelynn adds.

"I...ummm... no... not yet!" I stammer.

"Why not? He's your mate! Aren't you excited!?" Rachel asks.

"She has to make some decisions before she can talk about him." Ruby says.

"Whatever! Don't tell me. But I'd be excited!" Rachel says, but she drops it.

"We're home!" Alic... he's here. I can't take this!

"I'm gonna go." I tell Ruby but am too late.

"Hey, Marker, haven't seen you around a few days! How ya been?" Alic asks, hugging me. I see Ryan walk in and pull away.

"I'm fine, Alic." I tell him. I keep glancing at Ryan.

"Oh, sorry! This is my cousin Ryan! Ryan, this is Marker or actually Markie," He says, catching my gaze.

"Marker?" I see Ryan's eyebrows raise. "Nice to meet you." He offers his hand to shake. I guess he doesn't want his family knowing in case I reject him.

"Nice to meet you, Ryan." I shake his hand but pull away quickly. I'll never get used to that feeling when we touch.

"Stay, eat with us!" Alic says. I look over at Ryan and back to him.

"I don't think that's a good idea." I turn to leave. Alic grabs me before I can go.

"Come on Marker its dinner time! I want you to know my family." He says smiling."Please?" Oh my. Alic looks like a pup begging for a cookie. He is adorable. I want to say no, but... I look to Ryan again.

"Stay Markie, we have plenty." Ryan says.

"Umm... ok." I reluctantly agree.

"Awesome! Maybe one of you can get her to tell you who her mate is!" Raelynn says. Ryan looks away.

"Mate?" Alic gives me a surprised look. "When did you find your mate, Marker?"

"I... I don't want to talk about it." I hear Ryan huff at my answer.

We sit down to dinner. It was a big group. As soon as the food was done as if on cue, the rest of Ruby's family appeared.

"Nice to see you, Markie." Beta Clay greets me. The others nod, and I give a slight bow of respect. It was ok for a while. Idle chit-chat mostly until Ruby changes the topic.

"So those of you with mates... would you ever have considered choosing someone else?" Seriously, Ruby?! Why won't she drop this!? It's none of her business!

"Never!" All three men reply.

"I had a bo before Fenton thought I loved him too... but no, once we met, I knew it was meant to be." One of the women says.

"I've never heard of someone outright choosing someone else... I mean, rejections are rare... are you having second thoughts, Ruby?" The other one says.

"Oh no! I'm happy with Malak... I'm just asking for a friend who can't seem to let go of a boy she likes even tho she met her mate." Ruby answers. SHUT UP!

"Well, your friend should spend more time with her mate, and the old feelings will melt away." The woman says.

"What do you think Alic would you reject your mate for someone else?" Ruby asks.

"Come on, Ruby." I say, trying to sound somewhat uninterested. "He hasn't even found her yet. Give the guy a break!"

"Come on, Alic." Ryan says, glancing at me out of the corner of his eye. "I'm curious now! Would you?"

"Ummm... well... I don't know. I mean, I'm curious about who my mate is. Everyone says how amazing it is to find her, but... if I don't, I could see accepting someone else." Alic answers.

"We're talking like right now. If you had someone you like that wants to be with you but is not your mate, would you reject the possibility of your mate leaving her alone forever in order to be with another girl?" Ruby pushes.

"You know I've never thought about it. So let's just chalk it up to I'm glad I'm not in that situation." Alic says.

I ignore most everyone for the rest of dinner. I keep catching Ryan staring at me and try to avoid his eyes.

"Who wants desert?" One of the ladies asks.

"I'm actually going to go home. I'm sure my parents are wondering where I am... thank you for having me, Beta Clay." I stand up and walk towards the door.

"Yeah Ma, I'm gonna go to bed." I hear Ryan say.

"That's a first! My boy turning down sweets!" She responds as I'm exiting the door.

I am so glad that I am finally out of there! Why is Ruby doing this? I am lost in thought on my walk home.

"So Alic?" I hear a voice say and turn around to see Ryan mere inches from me.

"Alic, what?" I ask.

"It's him... out of all the males in the pack, it is my cousin. That pup steals everything!" He says.

"How does he steal everything? He's a good guy! He always looks out for other people! He..."

"That's the problem." Ryan cuts me off. "Everyone loves him, and he's a good guy! You can't blame him for what he is, but he hurts people around him... worst part is he doesn't even know it!" Ryan rants.

"What has he stolen?" I ask, knowing he can't have anything against Alic.

"Ruby's identity. That's the first thing he stole. She came to California to get that back. He showed up, and she was put on the back burner. Out home, she made friends who liked her for her and not her brother. It's not his fault, but he hurt her." Ryan says. I never thought of that.

"I was her friend before Alic! Don't put that on me!" Stupid boy implying I am friends with Ruby to get to Alic.

"I didn't mean it like that!" He says, turning away and running his hand through his hair. "It's just he hurt her, and now he's taking my mate, and there's nothing I can do about it! I can't even be mad at him because he is a good guy!"

"I'm sorry, Ryan." I tell him and turn away. He deserves better. He deserves someone who can fully love him. Not me... he deserves better than me. I run back home and close the door.

He knows... he knows it's Alic... Alic won't accept me. I know that. But Ryan should have someone who isn't pining after another guy. He needs someone who loves him completely. The best I can do for him is let him go. I can be alone... I can... can't I? I don't know... But I know I don't want to hurt him.