When the Snow Falls (Gratsu)

Chapter 5- Daydreams

Natsu's POV

That night I stared up at my ceiling, feeling restless. The red numbers on the digital clock glared angrily at me, reading 3:07 a.m. I should be asleep by now. But my mind was wide awake, head spinning as memories of black hair and soft lips and wide eyes danced in circles around my head. God, what is wrong with you? I chided myself for being so forward and letting my emotions get the best of me. Twice in the span of ten minutes I almost kissed him. And twice in the span of ten minutes, he almost let me. I tried to erase the thought from my head but my mind continued to wander. What would have happened if Lucy hadn't walked in when she did? My eyes drifted around the room, falling on the mirror where my reflection stared back at me. You would've ruined your chances at friendship for the millionth time in your life, idiot. At the realization that he was just my friend and he shouldn't be anything more to me- after all, I had only known him for what? Three days?- I plopped my head back onto the pillow and sunk as far down into the mound of blankets that I possibly could before closing my eyes and counting sheep. One sheep... two sheep... three... four... black sheep... silky black sheep with deep mysterious black eyes I could get lost in forever-

"Shut up, shut up, shut up!" I yelled into my pillow, trying to get the world to be quiet and leave me alone. My wish was granted for a short time as the house was silent and my imagination gave me a break from thinking about him. But unfortunately, the silence was broken when not even a moment later I was interrupted by Lucy opening the door with an alarmed expression on her delicate face.

"Master Natsu! Are you alright? Did something happen?" She asked, concerned.

I shook my head and sighed. "No, Lucy, I'm fine. I just can't sleep."

She gave a tired half-smile. "Does not being able to sleep require you to scream at your pillow and wake up half the house?" Was I that loud? I thought the pillow had muffled most of my sound, but maybe I had been a little more irritated than I thought.

"No, it doesn't usually require me screaming," I sighed dramatically. "I just can't stop thinking and I wanted my brain to shut up." Lucy's eyes sparked with curiosity. Out of everyone who worked here, she was probably the closest thing I had to a friend. Up until Gray came along of course. Oh god, now I'm thinking about him again... how his lean muscles flexed and wrapped around my back when I jumped on him, how his hand was cool and soft in mine, his smile when we were-

"-ask what you're thinking about?" Lucy's question pulled me out of my thoughts. I'm becoming as bad as Gray, zoning out in the middle of conversations. I considered what she asked. Should I trust her with how I'm feeling? I didn't think she would tell anyone, and clearly my heart needed to express itself somehow...

"I can't stop..." I started. Lucy took a few slow steps toward me laying on the bed and she stopped once she got within a few feet of me. I sat up and patted the spot beside me. She perched herself delicately on the edge of the bed, her back straight as a rod, clearly still trying to keep some sense of formality even while sitting on a bed with her boss. I pulled my knees to my chest and rested my forehead on my red plaid pj pants.

"Can't stop what, sir?"

"Stop calling me that. At least right now. I just need someone to treat me like a human right now." She smiled softly.

"I'm sorry. I'll just listen."

"I can't stop thinking..." I hesitated on the next few words. It had come to my attention that I had never really told anyone that I wasn't straight. Lucy's round, curious eyes encouraged me to continue talking. "...about him." Her eyes widened in excitement and she started to smile but then faltered. She tried to mask her emotions but I had already seen her initial reaction. "Why are you smiling like that?"