Holding on and Letting go [Complete]

22) Meant To Be.

If only we had enough ability to gauge the future and take steps accordingly, how life would be so sorted and peaceful. This is exactly what Ayat was thinking at the moment. Seeing Ahid's world shattering in front of her wreaked her only pain and that too because of her both times only left her with agony and nothing else. She hated herself more than she could even fathom. She hated herself for not listening to Zeliha; she hated herself for being the cause of the pain inflicting upon Masooma and now she didn't even have enough strength to apologize. For how many things would she apologize? She was unforgivable...she thought.

It had been a few hours since Ahid's arrival and even though doctor said Masooma was making recovery, he still didn't budge and stood planted to his seat.

It took Zeliha a lot of coaxing and cajoling to finally force him to go home since he hadn't slept for two nights which was quite visible from his sleep-deprived face. Ayat offering to stay with Masooma instead of Zeliha was completely out of question so she didn't even bother to ask. She had done enough damage and didn't want to create any more problems in the Khan house.

The entire ride home was spent in absolute silence with no one spilling a single word. It was weird being in the same car as his and what was weirder was that she didn't feel uncomfortable at all, not to mention unsafe which she could now never feel around him; he was her guardian angel.

It was only after they had crossed threshold, the silence finally broke. "I am going in my room to take a nap, my head is pounding," said he, without looking at her which just tore at her heart. He was still angry at her...she thought, which killed her.

She licked her pale alabaster lips from where she was standing right beside him but no word came out and he didn't even wait, making his way towards the staircase.

"Umm... Do you need anything?" Squeezing her hands together, she asked abruptly making him halt in his stance.

"No thank you, I'm alright!" His voice was calm, a calm that smothers a havoc inside itself and it only created one inside her.

"Milk it is, then." Heaving a sigh of exasperation, she went towards the kitchen without waiting for his response just like he did.

It wasn't like she was trying to get back at him for that. She wasn't. Not at all. She knew better than behaving like a typical toxic spouse. Her only concern at the moment was to give him his space without leaving him entirely alone, not wanting to push him over the edge.

******

She put the glass of milk on the side of the plate of cookies and a bottle of pain-killers in a tray and picking it up made her way towards their room but found it empty. It didn't take her more than a second to realize where he was. At first she thought not to disturb him and let him be on his own for a while but then decided against it. He had been on his own for a really long time now. Now he needed someone to share his worries and pain with and as a wife it was both her responsibility and right to provide him the solace he craved for.

Perched on the edge of the bed, his eyes dug deep in the emptiness of the frame that held Masooma's picture secured safely in his manly hands. The sight was too much for her to behold and she tried drinking away her tears that were struggling hard to roll out. Keeping the tray aside, she strode towards him and sat down on her knees, putting her hand on one of his and could feel his chest rising at her touch. "I know sorry isn't enough to make up for the gravity of the atrocity I brought upon you and your family and I also know it's really unscrupulous of me to keep fixating on this but I really did not mean any harm. I just wanted to help, I swear."

"Sometimes we only want to help others but things don't always go the way we want them. So you don't need to apologize, I can understand the pain of being blamed for something you didn't do." His statement hit the chord so strong that she couldn't help but let the rush of emotions flow down in the form of tears. She was strong but in front of this man, she felt helpless. She had never cried in front of anyone but this man had the audacity and the capability to break that demeanor.