Self Isolation with Bang Chan at My House

Chapter Fourteen

At 6pm I can no longer stand procrastinating my homework anymore, so I go down to the kitchen to grab supper.
Homework isn't the only thing I'm avoiding. I'm also scared of seeing Chris, in case he's really sick and it will hurt to see him that way.

"Chris!"
When I come down the stairs I find him sitting at the kitchen table, looking surprisingly normal. I had already been envisioning him with a respirator, lying sick in a hospital bed and barely holding onto life.

"Hey," he waves half heartedly. He sounds tired but looks okay. He's eating a sandwich, which is a good sign.

I walk over cautiously. There's another sandwich, plastic wrapped, on a plate.
"That's for you-r," Chris says. Then he coughs and takes a drink of water. "Your mum made it."

I sit down in a chair across from him. It's dark blue outside the windows; everything is covered in snow and in the dim blue of dusk. I can't see as far as the smoke, but I don't think the fire is burning today. Chris isn't looking out the window for once.

"My mom thinks you caught a cold from going to the Falls yesterday," I say.
I watch him to see his reaction. His shoulders slump and he looks so sad that I feel like a jerk.
"I mean, she's just worried about you," I add.

He sets down his half eaten sandwich. "I went out last night and it was too cold," he says.
I hold my breath. Is he going to tell me about going to the fire now?
"To the smoke," he says, gesturing to the window.
My stomach tightens. I can see on his face how ashamed he feels.
I can't take this anymore.
"I know," I confess.

Chris looks up in surprise.

"I followed you last night," I continue, squirming uncomfortably in my seat. It's embarrassing to admit that you followed someone. But I want to be honest too.

All of a sudden, tears well in my eyes and I can't stop them. "You put us at risk," I say.
I get up quickly, not wanting to hear his reply, because I know whatever it is, I'll just start crying.
I run up the stairs and I think Chris calls my name, but I'm not sure.

An hour later, I'm still in the same position on the floor in my room, that I was in an hour ago when I got here. Mom steps in and almost trips over me.
"What did you say to Chan?" she says.
"What?" I sit up.
"He's leaving."
"Leaving what?"
"Leaving us." Mom has her hands on her hips and an angry look on her face. "He won't tell me why. He just says he's sick and he should quarantine himself. I tried to tell him it's probably not COVID, and even if it is, we'd already be exposed, days ago so there's no point in him leaving. But he wouldn't listen."

My heart pounds so hard I can't catch my breath. It's my fault. He thinks I hate him and want him to leave. Or maybe he really wants to go to the fire again, and he knows he can't if he continues to live here.
"I'll talk to him," I say to Mom. I get up so fast that I'm dizzy. Mom sighs loudly but doesn't respond.

Downstairs, Chris is already packing. He seems to have found new energy. His nose is pink from blowing it and he has bags under his eyes.
He doesn't smile when he sees me, the way he usually does.

"You're leaving?" I ask, stupidly.
He continues packing. "You were right," he says, not looking at me. "I put you at risk."
"But..." I begin to panic. What do I say? This is my fault. "Where are you going to live?"
Suddenly a thought comes to me. What if he's going to live with Amber? She must have offered.
"Don't go," I say. Don't go live with Amber! I think.

Chris sits down on his bed. "I don't want to be a burden here," he says. "I know you're not happy I'm here."
That's what he thinks?
"No! You're not a burden!" I fumble for words. He's listening; I need to say the right thing. I need to tell him I want him to stay. But why do I want him to stay so badly? Wouldn't it be easier with just Mom and I here? And what if he starts going out to the fire again every night?
"We... I..." I begin. I really do want him to stay, no matter what happens. "I like that you're here."