My story

My tragic love life: My first hetero kiss ft. Axel the poet

*So I'm not doing what I said I would lol whoops, what I'm doing instead is talking about what I feel and seeing how it goes. So enjoy :)*

So in this chapter, I will be talking about my most recent bf. (Something he did was text in poems and it was kind of funny, I don't know why he did it but he did. One of my close friends called him a poet so hence the title. )

𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐠𝐨𝐨𝐝

He was sweet and compassionate and he always wrote me sweet letters and songs (don't laugh). He made me feel wanted I guess. Like I was everything to him and that meant a lot to me. He was always there for me. He made me feel happy.

𝕋𝕙𝕖 𝕜𝕚𝕤𝕤

I felt super pressured into giving him my first boy-girl kiss. He asked me if he could kiss me at least twice a week after about the 3rd or 4th month of us dating. I know he probably was just excited or something but it was awkward for me because he always chose the most inconvenient times to ask, like at the skating rink with my friends right behind us and his dad waiting for him at the front where he could see us. I finally kissed him the day before winter break which was like our 5th month dating. He texted me over the break asking to kiss me the next time we see each other and I always gave him vague responses like "maybe" or "we'll see". It was just really pressured and afterwords during a fight he said he was mad because he didn't initiate the kiss.

ᴛʜᴇ ʙᴀᴅ

 Tbh we were pretty toxic together. I stayed with him because I didn't know what else to do. I needed someone to lean on and he was always there for me, I guess I was scared that if I left him I'd be alone which isn't true. He would blame me for everything and then I'd get upset which would get him even more upset. He did apologize for making it a point to make my day shit if he was having a bad day but it didn't make it okay. Communication was also bad. He wouldn't tell me anything, when he was going to be late he wouldn't text me or anything and I always made sure to tell him but it could just be how we are. The communication was also on my part, I didn't always tell him everything because I didn't want him to freak. I would tell my best friend everything which he didn't like because my best friend is a guy. He never liked my best friend because he thought he liked me and I always reassured him we were just friends but whatever. He would also get frustrated with me when my heart would have episodes as if I can control it. He also didn't like me being in cheer because it's dangerous and I was always getting bruised and I sprained my wrist (stories for another time). He didn't like pretty much everything I did.

Math:

One time I was joking around with my friend in math about jumping out of the window because we didn't feel motivated to do math (she sat behind me and he sat beside me), he was already in a bad mood and he didn't like what we were joking about so he told me to stop. I told him no and continued, he told me to stop again and I told him I was talking to my friend and if he didn't like what we were talking about to stop listening. My friend and I continued messing around he was getting visually mad. He yelled at me and slammed his fists on the desk. Then he turned to me and raised his hand like he was going to hit me but before he did anything he turned back around and hit the dest again. My friend and I just looked at each other. He stayed silent for the rest of the period and didn't talk to me for a few periods after that. 

𝙏𝙝𝙚 𝙗𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙠𝙪𝙥

We ended up dating for 6 months. I thought he took the breakup well, he didn't really say anything. I told him I still wanted to be in his life and I still wanted to be friends but we weren't good together. I told him that we just didn't click and we need to strengthen our bond or something like that. Later that day he texted me asking what we were and I confirmed that we were over. My friends were really supportive of my decision and hyped me up every step of the way. They're always there for me and help me through everything. 

Post-breakup he started saying I'm psychotic, I talked to one of his friends and he thinks it's because I have a lot of issues and my dark humor, I'm not diagnosed with anything but I do deal with family issues and deaths, maybe it was too much for him. 

Ｏｖｅｒａｌｌ

I'm indifferent. There were good and bad times, I still love him but we just weren't good together. 

Thoughts? If you're one of my friends that were there and want to add to this chapter text or DM me and I'll add it. Comment or DM me to leave suggestions for later chapters.