Though My Eyes [A Ruki Story]

Regretful

"So glad you came!" Yo-ka says opening his door and motioning me inside. 
"Thanks for having me over on such short notice." 
"No problem. I was rather missing your company." I smile. He makes me feel like I'm needed, not love just desire. 
So I sat down with him and we stayed talking before he went to get us some drinks. I don't care if I'm used. As long as I feel like I'm needed. 
My phone buzzed and I saw the name "Lyrick." 
I put my phone into my pocket and  left it there. I didn't want anyone worrying about me. Why do they care? Ruki sure as hell doesn't. I wish I would have never said anything to him. Then I wouldn't be hurting so much.
"Here." He says smiling and handing me my drink. He come sand sits closer to me this time. His drink in one hand and his other around me. He smiles at me and constantly compliments me on my looks. It was nice I have someone care. I just wish it was who I wanted to care. I down my drink and put my hand on his thigh which must have set him off because he acts a little squirmish now. He nervously messes with his now free hand and then I decide to make the first regret.  
I grabbed his shoulder and kissed him. He wasn't the least bit shock. He was waiting for me to move first so he wasn't pressuring me. I'll admit, he has some morals. There was no off switch now. That kiss was like putting gasoline on the fire. It's a little late to back out now, so let the regrets come. 
And man were already on there way. It went from kissing each other to me laying back on the couch with my shirt half off. If I wanted to... Of I really wanted to I could have told him to stop, but I didn't. I was still so upset and furious with Ruki that I didn't care about what he thinks of me. I don't care if he finds out... 
It's not like he loves me anyway... 

It was two days before I came home. I'm surprised that Lyrick didn't send out a search team for me. Slowly collecting myself and throwing my hair into a messy ponytail, I open the door and see a black hat sitting on the couch. When I notice someone's wearing it and I see the black and blonde hair, I knew who it was. 
I set my things down and he stands and acts like he was expecting someone else. 
"Where the hell have you been?! Lyrick's worried sick about you! Do you even care about anyone but yourself anymore?" 
"Do you forget who's fucking fault this is in the first place?! So you remember why I'm so upset?! Don't come in here saying shit like I don't care about anyone when your the cruelest person I know? I know it was hard when Reila died Ruki, and I wasn't trying to jump at a chance or anything, I just wanted to let you know. You haven't even said anything to me about it other then your think this is all one big joke and I'm being a stupid bitch! Can I at least be let down or something? Believe me it'd hurt less. You just pretending like it never happened Is what's making me this way. So just tell me and I'll get on with my life and stay out of yours!" I say. I'm about to leave when he grabs me by the wrist and says,
"Don't you get it?! I can't say anything! Your being unfair!" 
I lost it. I'm being unfair? He's a sadistic asshole who just wants to fuck with my mind and make me crazy. I slipped my hand from his grip and smacked him right across the face. 
I wanted to scream at him, I wanted to yell I wanted to cry. Who would he know how I feel?
I run upstairs to my room and slammed the door shut. 
I could just see his expression when I hit him. Confused not angry. His eyes looked like they were starring at a ghost. His hand agents his cheek. I don't expect him to say, "I love you too Lottie." 
I just wish he would say, "I'm sorry." Or something. How am I being unfair? I don't get it... I for. Want to... I just wish I never told him and I'd still have my friend... Because right now that would be more then enough....