A New Type of Realism

(5) Satisfied in Suffering

'Ben..." I managed to croak out.

'I know, Dile, I know, it's okay." Maggie comforted me.

'Dile, she wouldn't let me see, what happened?' Martin asked curiously. I was glad that Maggie hadn't let him watch the camera feed. I just shook my head in reply to him, and began to shake.

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I had soon calmed down. I had known Ben for the best part of five hours, and he had not made a good impression. I still could not help but feel guilty over what had happened to him though. I should have noticed that he had not been with us when Kyle had appeared, despite my lack of observational skills. Kyle's constant reassurance about it not being my fault did help, although I had to wonder how he had stayed so calm through the whole ordeal. I surmised that he had witness a few incidences like Ben in the past week. Or maybe he just had an extraordinary sense of self. He knew that he had done the right thing, for the good of the rest of us, and especially for Martin.

Both Maggie and Martin had taken the news quite well considering that they had known him for around a week. Martin had cried for a good few minutes, and had gone to spend a few moments alone in a separate room of the compound, before emerging for the food that Kyle had promised. Maggie had sniffed and then shrugged before remarking that 'he had always been a difficult man to get on with'. She theorised that I my grief had lasted the longest because I had witnessed the event, and had 'stupidly' felt responsible for it. She had then gone onto explain that he had no family or loved ones, but just had a dog that had gone missing at the very beginning of the outbreak. Somehow, this had made me feel just that tiny bit better.

I took a deep breath and pulled myself from my own black hole. This was no time to fall apart, I had to be strong for Martin. I had to find Dylan, what would he say if he knew that I'd just given up on the first day?

I looked around the compound from where I was sat. It was a cluttered, one roomed building from first appearances. Everywhere you looked, things seemed to be in disarray and chaos, although I noticed a small sense of order despite that. All of the food was together on one plastic rectangular table. The cooking implements were on another, and electronic equipment was on the last. There were several pieces of cloth that hung from floor to ceiling, creating divisions between areas of the room. One must have been for sleeping, another might have been for quiet deliberations, as I noticed that it was decked out with various cushions and lengths of fabrics. A chair was placed in the centre of this area.

It was a large room, almost like a warehouse. If I had to guess at what it had been used for, I would have either said as a storage facility, or a mess hall. Sure enough, I spotted a cooker and a fridge in the corner by the cooking utensils.

Kyle stood by a group of counters, preparing soup for us all. "So, are you all looking for someone; families? Friends?' He asked to engage us in conversation and perhaps to take our minds off what we had been through. I looked at Martin, encouraging him to go first, but he shook his head and pulled on my lab coat.

'Okay, well, Martin's looking for his Mum, and I'm looking for my whole family, but my brother especially.'

Kyle nodded. 'Well, there have been a lot of people passing through here, and they all left messages on the wall for their friends and families. Maybe you should check it out, see if there's something from your folks there? This soup will take a while anyway.'

'Sounds like a plan. Where did you say it was again?' I asked.

Kyle quickly gave me directions, and I thanked him before walking with Martin to an area outside where these messages apparently were. Sure enough, a large portion of the outside of the building was covered with various notes and pictures from people searching for their friends and families.