Every Second Counts

Chapter Sixteen

I STARE AT LILA FOR THE LONGEST MOMENT waiting for her to crease into a smile, telling me she is joking. When she continues to stare at me with her stony face I say, 'Hey. I'm not a bloody fucking physic! I only found out this afternoon. The police came to tell me.'

Lila pushes me at arms-length and stares into my eyes. 'Athena. Listen to me. You rang me on Sunday night.'

I stammer, 'What on earth are you on about?'

'You did,' she reaffirms.

Tears threaten. 'No. No. This can't be happening.'

'You were in such a state. I told you then I would come as soon as I could.'

'But...I don't remember ringing you. How could I? I only found out about Damien today. I told you. I rang you today.' I end with a sort of begging tone. Like, please tell me I rang today. Please tell me I'm not nuts!

'Yes, you did,' she says and my sigh of relief is palpable. 'You rang me this afternoon and left a message. But, I was already here, at the airport about to go through customs. When I listened to your message you left today I just thought you were re-iterating how much you needed me.'

'OMG. It's happening again, isn't it?' I stagger backwards toward my couch and slump down against the cushions. We stare at each other for such a long time, she with a sadness I cannot mistake...she thinks I'm ill. Hey, well so do I!

'I think you're right. It's happening again.' Lila stifles tears.

'How on earth did I know he was dead?'

'If nothing else,' she says, 'you need to recover this repressed memory and bloody fast. When you rang me on Sunday night you said he had been murdered. Knifed, is what you told me.'

'Did I say how I knew?'

'I just assumed you'd heard from the police. In all fairness you really were babbling. Hysterical, if I'm honest. So, the next day I googled the news and sure enough you were right. The article didn't say he had been murdered. It just said he died suddenly and the police were investigating. But that isn't how it happened, is it?'

'The police told me he'd been knifed. But Lila, it's as I've said, I had no knowledge until they told me today. Honestly, I have no idea how I knew. I must have seen it on the internet. Rang you and then...and then it all disappeared out of my fucked up head.'

'I think we have to assume you knew some other way. The thing is, Athena, I couldn't get hold of you yesterday so I rang Mrs. Heslop. She told me she found his body in the morning, 8 a.m. It was when she arrived to clean his office. And you rang me about 11 p.m. the night before.'

I slump to the floor, rest my head on my knees, rock backwards and forwards and sob. Once again, for how long, I have no idea. But when I open my eyes, I'm in bed, curled up beside Lila, my best and most wonderful friend.

I lay in that slumber state drifting between sleep and wakefulness. Images of sex I had the night before flit in an out of my subconscious like a fitful nightmare. Suddenly I bolt upright. Damien is dead and somehow I knew well before the authorities.

What if I had something to do with his death?

* * *

Friday is a living nightmare. Lila and I go over the same stuff—how the fuck did I know? And I have this nagging feeling that I may have killed him, or at least been partly responsible for his death.

I have this overwhelming urge to talk to Rutherford and before I have my head in gear I'm ringing him on speed dial.

'You have to tell me. Was he...?' I cannot say it out loud.