Adopted By Zalfie

Twelve

* Possible Trigger Warning *

Failure.

Unwanted.

Not loved.

Weak.

Embarrassment.

All negative thoughts replay repeatedly in my mind, over and over again and without wanting to, I except them and I find myself each time agreeing with it all.

I'm currently at the beach by the sea, I pick up a pebble that's covered with wet sad and wipe it on my jeans. I throw it with force into the cold sea and it skims across and making a small pop noise.

It only takes me a few minutes to realise tears are flooding down my face.

My face that wasn't good enough for any of those people to adopt me in the first place, that could be a reason, maybe my looks wasn't enough for them. Honestly, do I blame them?

No.

Maybe they realised I'd be too much hassle, they probably didn't even want to see me the second I stepped in.

Failure.

Unwanted.

Again the words replay in my swirling mind.

I wipe my eyes with my sleeve and I don't notice a middle aged couple who's arms are linked together has came up to me.

"Are you okay hunny?" The lady asks me, kneeling down ever so slightly and looking at me with confusion on her face "Where's your parents?"

"They'll be back soon" I lie, sniffling

"Are you sure? You have a suitcase on you" the man eyes my suitcase and raises one of his eyebrows

"I'm okay, they'll be back soon" I lie once again, I feel a tug at my heart, knowing that my parents will never come back

They both sigh before beginning to walk away.

Embarrassment.

"Okay I get it!" I yell out to myself, choking back a sob as more negative thoughts occur

Freak.

That's it, I can't take this anymore.

Before I can understand what's going on, I'm standing on top of a very large rock that's extremely slippery and I can barely keep my balance.

I look down at the crashing waves making loud whooshing noises each time.

One jump.

Unwanted.

Failure.

Weak.

I take one large breath before preparing myself.

5..
4..
3..
2..
1..

And...

"Catherine!" An all too familiar voice shouts from beside the rock

I hear the sounds of the pebbles crunching below their feet.

I slowly turn my head, my face flooded with tears.

Zoe and Alfie.

"Why are you here? You were just gonna send me back anyway!" I accuse

"No Catherine, let us explain" Alfie pleads to me

"Fine, see what use it'll do" I spit

It won't do any use at all.

Freak.

I take a sharp breath, my body cold as I shiver ever so slightly.

"We weren't giving you up Catty, we love you okay? We were going to adopt because there was also another little girl there but we chose you first, but we realise now how we're not ready for that and we need you in our lives much longer before we think about adopting again!" Zoe explains, hysterical but I can just about understand

"Just come down Catherine, we promise it's the truth," Alfie promises "we can even show you the papers if you want."

"I'm.. So.. Sorry" I let out a sob

Then I loose my balance.

Then all I can hear is the sound of my scream, Zoe's yelping and then a splash.

Followed by another splash.

Then it all goes black.