The ROOT Pub

Torune And The Case Of The Tuesday Night Parma

It was a Tuesday night, so as usual, Torune was hanging with the lads at Danzo's.

"Another for all of yeh's!" Kakashi roared, swinging his headband. He still somehow managed to keep his mask on. "Except you, Asuma, you're a lil bitch."

The table roared, exploding with excitement and laughter at Asuma's misfortune.

"Aw man," the guy groaned, sticking out his bottom lip. "Now I'm super bummed. Hey Tooooooruneeeeee?"

Torune, who was always the designated driver, adjusted his goggles. "What? You've never talked to me before, by the way."

"Well, now we're friends." The guy inhaled his cigarette and then choked violently before slinging an arm around Torune.

"I'm not your friend."

Asuma wasn't listening. "See that pretty laaaady over there?" He pointed vaguely in Kurenai's direction, who was singing Evanescence at the top of her lungs for the fifth time that night. "She won't go out with me." His bottom lip protruded again.

"I said, I'm not your friend."

The guy began to wail, great big slabs of water rolling down his cheeks. With a sniff, he downed the rest of his beer, the famous ROOT beer. Unlike actual root beer, it had a reputation for being twice as alcoholic as regular beer and ten times as caffeinated as a cup of regular coffee.

Torune stared at his menu, pissed.

"Awwww Torune, whassamatter?" Asuma sniffed again, elbowing him. "You down in the dumps too?"

Torune sighed, slumping his face onto a hand. "The parma's two dollars higher than last week."

"Two dollars?!" Asuma asked, outraged. "That is day light robbery, that! Old man Danzo, how daaaaare you!" He shook his fist vaguely in the direction of bar, although it was Danzo's day off technically.

Torune stood. "Yeah. Yeah, it is!" He crossed his arms. "I make, what five bucks an hour?"

"Five bucks an hour!" Asuma hollered.

"I've got a kid at home to look after!"

"You hear that?" Asuma yelled, climbing up on his stool. "He's got a kid to look after!"

"Wage growth is negative!!" Bellowed Torune.

"Yeah, wage growth is—! What does that mean, again?"

"It means whether your boss gives you a raise," Yamato whispered in Asuma's ear from nearby.

"Wha—? Oh, yeah." Asuma raised his voice again. "WAGE GROWTH IS NEGATIVE!"

The table turned to look at him.

"Boycott the parma!" Torune hissed at the table, slamming his fist down.

"Yeah!" Asuma added. "Boycott, boycott, BOYCOTT, BOYCOTT—"

The table took up the chant, thumping the table each time.

"Hey, hey, what's the matter?" Itachi yelled from the bar, hurrying over while drying his hands.

"WE WANT OUR CHEAP PARMAS BACK!!" Asuma hollered at him, waving his ham fists. He turned to address the table. "WHAT DO WE WANT?"

"CHEAP PARMA!"

"WHEN DO WE WANT IT?"

"NOW!"

Itachi wrung his little Uchiha hands. "I'm so sorry, but I can't do anything. I'm only a part-timer here—"

And that was the story of how Torune started a riot. The next week, parma was cheap again.

I have no explanation for the existence of this book except for the fact that I am Australian, I am in the middle of quarantine, and this is heavily inspired by The Ramen Club Trashy-Tenten thank u dont forget to liek and hit that mf subscreech button