Through the Hands of Mine

a part of me

"Though a part of me is still addicted to my past self ,so much that I can't really focus on my present not even my future. Knowing that it's so toxic yet intoxicating that I lose myself in the process everytime I give in to overthinking. Future's blurry and past unclear and this life that is so uncertain.Will I be ever able to make it out of here?"is what Lindsay said will eyes puffed up and tears rolling down her cheeks
Sitting in her room she exclaimed "if some thing's really here ,a truest and the most purest form ,if there's anything that's good left in this world,I'd come out of here" she exclaimed sitting in a room filled with darkness and haze .
"Many are the problems of the past but I say be present" a sudden voice in that room filled with darkness and emotions full of contempt.this voice is some thing familiar ,something that I know what I call is 'I know',a voice that goes straight to your heart first without reaching to the mind .a voice I'd call ' home'
"Be present is what he said"but who?
All the problems seem so uncanny,
A childhood so happy yet filled with gloom and distress,dad's seeking some other lady,mum crying at home ,millions of money loaned and spent on guess what ?nothing fruitful,so many court cases and trials pending,my junior self got abused physically,verbally,mentally and even intellectually in some other way,rejected,pained,left aside ....ughhh with that note Lindsay stopped ,something that was so hurting and self threatening she couldn't accept herself.
The voice said"stop ,right there don explain much,for I knew you way before you were born,I know your future,I know your present,I know everything that's going in your life ,so stop,you needn't say much" with a sudden jerk Lindsay shouted "but who are you?how do you even know about me" but the voice so familiar that she shut her mouth and listened and listened and listened....
and I let the voice speak to me "
Back after sometime Lindsay staring at her mum with her glistening eyes "mum the church we went today,do you remember its name?"
Mum spoke "don you remember, are you short of your memory like always "with klazomaniac voice she repremanted out of anger ,she was never that way but became that way because of the things she had faced and is still facing in the present,she has become a klazomaniac patient.
"I wish that pinny voice can be altered and changed"
*
Midnight when Lindsay was drowned in her intoxicating phase of thoughts that she wanted to get out of this but something was holding her back,somehow she couldn't overcome,at least in her own strength just nope.
Laying in her bed all day withering and wasting away thinking that her dad who was the protagonist of all the problem would come someday and make things right.Lindsay was wrong
Yes she was as she realised "change cannot come,if one is not willing to change but 'will' also means to put one's thought into actions".although she thought that she can never change but
Little did she know that from somewhere her hope will come,and when it comes everything will be changed .
But maybe a bit late,but she did realise that"it's you who gotta take the first step,its you who gotta change first to make things change around you","truths in the end are truths only no matter how much you neglect them and avoid and run away from them. But know that in the end it's you who gotta face em so the faster you realise this thing and accept them the way they are and work to change things and make things better and especially leave the old part of you behind,the more quick you heal"healing takes time,but its up to us if we focus on making the cake (accept things and move on) or keeping battering the batter(let guilt hold on to us)
This is the ultimate truth^
Lesson number 1-accept and let go/focus on making the cake when the batter's already perfectly made and then moving on to make more cakes(experiencing more parts of life to the fullest)
.
.
.
P.s I love baking^~^