30 Days of Long Distance

Day 5

His Answer- She was adorable. When she first messaged me and asked for advice, I immediately thought she was adorable and I would love to have her as a friend. Then, the more we talked, the more she seemed to be the Little that I wanted to make mine. School was in at the time, and everyone knows school wifi sucks so we exchanged numbers and I downloaded Whatsapp, which is where we still talk to this day.

When she told me all of the things that have been going on in her life, all I wanted to do was jump through my phone and pull her into the biggest, longest most loving hug she's ever experienced. I felt really bad when she told me she was a closeted little, another reason why I wanted to make her mine. She needed the loving that a boyfriend and daddy could give her. When she told me about the relationship she had currently been in I was livid. I hated that someone was treating her so badly, especially in her little space. I was mad that she wasn't able to be herself to the person who claimed to love her. I was hurt that I couldn't be there for her and help her through everything. I used to cry sometimes because I wanted to switch places and direct all of the pain going towards her onto myself.

She told me different things that her partner would do. Ranted to me about the things that happened between them and expressed to me how she felt. I told her all the time that the relationship that she was in was absolutely poison and she needed get out of it. I gave her advice on what to do in each situation she would tell me about. There seemed to be a new problem every other day. Her partner would apologize and say they "loved her" and they guilt tripped her into apologizing for things that she didn't even do wrong. When she told me that this person had a Wattpad account, I has tempted to DM them and tell them off. I was going to scold them and belittle them just like they had done to Brianna. But I knew that if I did that, they would go to Bree and tell her off for getting another person involved or guilt trip her into apologizing again. There were several different occasions where I opened that person's messaging and had typed out a very colorful paragraph but then deleted it at the last second. I felt like I couldn't do that to Brianna.

But, I am glad that she's was finally able to leave that person and become much happier and that I'm part of that happiness. I can't express how proud I am of her for standing up for herself. Even though she needed a little push, I was more than happy to give that push and even jump off with her.

As for her little space, I'm happy that she's much better at slipping in and out of it. I believe that, now that she has someone to talk to and someone that will listen, she's feels much safer and free in her headspace. Just like a Little should. Just like any other Little, there's the few, once in a blue moon, times where she's bratty (For example, Bedtime). But she always apologizes and is determined to make it up to me (Which I never find necessary).

I fall more and more in love with Brianna every single day. I'm here for her and I'll always be here for her. As far as I'm concerned, I'm never letting her go.

Her Answer- When I first read his book I remember just thinking "he's perfect" and just smiling and giggling to myself whenever I read it. I also remember that when I was reading it sounded like he was talking directly to me? It wasn't necessarily his voice (cause I never heard his voice at this time or seen him) and sometimes it would change but it just felt like we were having a conversation... That probably doesn't make any sense.

I would also get this urge to hug him... Again weird I know but it's almost like when ur reading a book and ur favorite character does something super adorable and you just wanna hug them and squeeze their cheeks... It was like that except so much stronger and different at the same time...like when I would get excited cause I related to something he said or when I fit the description of something he liked and when I didn't I felt equally as dissapointed... I found myself wanting to know more about him after a while cause he was updating daily at the time and when I finished reading the part for that day I would want more.

So then I went to his profile and read his bio and I think that was the day I decided to message him. When I messaged him for the first time I was nervous and kept second guessing everything I typed and starting all over again and then I eventually forced myself to send it... Then I read it back to myself and thinking he probably thinks ur crazy and he isn't gonna respond... But he did and that made me really happy. We texted almost everyday after that and eventually exchanged number so we talk outside of Wattpad.

I just remember being really happy when I texted him and when he would respond, cause I wasn't used to that (it wasn't like that in my past relationship)... I felt like he cared... Sometimes I would get bored( Tbh I still do this when ever I miss him and want to talk but can't or I just don't know what to say) and read through our messages... When I would read them I would think that I sounded really peppy which was unusual cause I'm usually really sarcastic... Especially over text.

Things changed after Ethan... The things I thought were normal were actually unhealthy and put me in a really bad headspace. I was constantly being ignored for sometimes a week both in person and on the phone when my past partner got upset with me. And every week it was something new. A new reason why they were upset. Sometimes they would apologize. I would forgive them and apologized for things I shouldn't have, simply because I didn't want them to ignore me. My feelings were not valid with them. But with Ethan, they were... He helped calm me down after I would get into fights with them and tell me that what I was feeling was valid. That I should be strong and not back down. My therapist even tried to help me realized it but I was in denial. Ethan helped me realize that it was unhealthy.

I admired him a lot (still do) I thought he was an amazing writer and very wise. I didn't really read a whole lot into what I was feeling at the moment or what it meant. But I think that when I read his book I slowly started to fall in love with him.