The Last Beacon

XXXII

By the time Sascha had found her way out of Rabael, it was beginning to get dark.

As she stood at the edge of the city, she felt intimidated by the vast brown fields that seemed to go on forever.

What filled her with a shred of hope, though, was the enormous silhouette of a mountain in the distance to her left. She was almost certain that it was the Iron Mountain.

"It's so close, we're almost there," she whispered to herself.

Sascha decided that it would be smartest to head towards it, rather than try to find the forest on her search for Laurenz. She logically thought that he would also head towards it, as it was somewhere both of them would know to go to while they were separated.

As she took her first steps into the knee-high grass, she realised that she never got her backpack back from the officers. She cursed herself, knowing that her last personal possessions were in the bag.

Her hand immediately flew to her neck, where her fingers wrapped around her mother's necklace. She breathed in relief, knowing that she still had it. She knew she would struggle to cope if she had lost the last memory of her mother.

She squeezed it in her fingers once more, before letting her hand fall to her side again.

As she trudged through the grass, the wind seemed to pick up, the cool air hitting her back. She shivered, hugging herself.

As much as she didn't want to, her mind wandered back to Cain. She couldn't help but wonder what was true, and what was lies. Cain had told his father that he loved her and killed him to protect her.

Deep down, Sascha still could not get over her own doubt.

She was unsure of what to think. She thought back to the Hall of Fears, and how he was the first thing that she saw. He would not have been there if she did not fear him to some extent. She had always been allured by him, but she had lost any true feeling of love in her heart after her family burned before her eyes.

Her thoughts quickly turned cold.

I don't love him. He doesn't really care for me, and even if he did, he probably doesn't now. I walked out on him, and I never looked back.

I suppose all that matters now is making sure the beacon doesn't fall into the wrong hands. I have no time for anything else, no time for regret.

Sascha's emotions were beginning to numb; she could feel it. First, losing her sense of guilt over murder she had committed, and then easily walking away from the man who had claimed to love her. When she would normally be overwhelmed with remorse or responsibility, she felt nothing at all.

She marvelled how in just a few short days she had changed so much. I'm not the same person I was when I left town. I'm different. More confident – definitely. I feel more grown up. I have purpose – yes. More self-sufficient – yes. Less trusting – definitely. More powerful – yes, oh my God yes. I am just more all around now than I was, I guess.

After finishing her mental inventory of personal change, a residual feeling still lurked amongst her thoughts right now, which was her built-up anger.

"Anger is good, I'm sure I've told you that already," she heard Decius say, his voice resonating in her head.

I thought you were busy being grumpy, she responded blankly.

"I've been filled with nothing but rage for many years, Sascha. If you think you've done enough to really hurt me, you're mistaken."

Okay, sure, whatever, she thought.