Confessions Of a Priest || KAI

II

I've been thinking all day at my mysterious penitent. I thought of her while preparing the preach for the Sunday's Liturgy. I thought of her while hosting the gathering for Bible Study and while I had my night prayers. I thought of her black hair. Of her slightly deep voice, acuté. There was something about her.... but what? It wasn't as if I turned into a corpse when I put on priest clothes ㅡ I was the same man. A man that once loved sex, long before hearing the Divine Call.

And, for sure, I still observe women, but I've developed a way of deviation of my thoughts in other directions, others than sexual ones. Celibacy has become a controversial matter lately, but I was obeying to it carefully. Mostly because of what happened to my younger sister. And because of what happened to this parish before my arrival.

It was so important for me to represent the temperance. To be the kind of priest that inspires trust. That meaning to be exceptionally circumspect, both in public and in private, when it comes to sexuality.

So, her voice was echoing in my mind for the rest of the day. But I actively put off this memory of her and I continued my duties and the only difference from a normal day is that I've made two or three extra prayers for that woman, thinking that she confessed her fault and asked forgiveness.

I hoped that, where ever she was, God is by her side, offering her relief just as she unawarely offered me many times.

I fell asleep holding tight the Rosary as if it was an amulet able to keep away inappropriate and unwanted thoughts.

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Within the small old Parish, there were usually one or two burials in a month, four or five weddings per year, Liturgies almost every single day ㅡ and Sunday more than one. Three times a week I was leading the Bible Study, one night a week I was offering help to a young charity group, and every day, excluding Wednesday, I had a confessional program where the penitents could visit me. Also, I was running several kilometres every morning and I forced myself to read fifty pages of books and articles that weren't related to the religious or Church.

Moreover, I spent some nights on The Walking Dead  forums.

In conclusion, in between breakfast and the moment I go back to my bed, I am a quite busy guy for a "holy man". So forgiven is the fact that I was surprised of a certain penitent visiting me again ㅡ the woman, that one that sneaked into my mind.

Tyler Sehun has just left, and I was all ready to get up and leave but I heard the other door of the confessional. It must be Rowan again ㅡ it wasn't the first time he got back, remembering to confess one mutual sin, one about he forgot entirely.

But no. It was the same feminine acuté voice, one that I knew too well ㅡ that one voice that inspired extra prayers one week ago.

ㅡ It's me again, she laughed nervously. Uhm... the non-religious one...

ㅡ I do remember you.

My words came out a lot more profound and sharp than I intended. A tone I haven't used on a woman for a long time.

ㅡ Oh, all right I guess. She said, slightly surprised - she wasn't, indeed, expecting me to remember her

She moved a little to make herself more comfortable. I saw fragments of her behind the panel ㅡ that familiar black hair, white skin, a sharp red lipstick.

I, too, moved a little without realising that my body became aware of everything. Of those formal pants, of the wooden chair, of the collar that was tight - too tight.

ㅡ You are the priest Kim, aren't you? she asked

ㅡ Yes, it's me.

ㅡ I saw your photo on the website. After everything that happened last week, I thought that it'd be easier to know your name and how you look like. You know, now it seems I'm talking with a real person, not with a panel.

ㅡ And it is easier?

She hesitated.

ㅡ Uhm... not really.

She didn't explain some more, but I insisted. Mainly because I was trying to get away from the source of inappropriate desires which were invading my mind.

No, you CANNOT ask her about her name.

No, you CANNOT go open the other door to see how she looks like.

No, you CANNOT ask her to confess her carnal desires.

Focus, JongIn. Focus.

ㅡ Are you ready to begin? I asked more of a trial to redirect my thoughts back to the problem in the cause - her confession.

Follow the script, JongIn.

ㅡ Yes, she whispered. I am ready.

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