Ruel
Her hair smells really good. Okay that's weird. I'm weird.
"Do you ever just sit and watch the waves come back and leave?" Esme starts talking.
"Yeah I guess", I reply
"Have you ever had a time where friends just come and go"?
"yeah", I try to hold some tears from the memories.
"Don't the waves just remind you about the friends that come and go. Then it repeats. They come for some time and leave." Esme looks up at me.
"yeah"
For many years I have been hanging out with fake friends. They don't really care about me and I know it. They constantly leave me on read and I know they talk about me. I'm tired of it but who else would I hang out with? I've got Esme but I bet she wants to hangout with girlfriends.
I look down at my wrists and quickly cover them as Esme starts speaking.
"You must be hot! How are you wearing a jacket in this weather?!" Esme nudges my shoulder as she tries to bring up the mood.
"I don't know" I say as I know the answer.
"I mean I am hot", I grin trying to forget about it.
"Oh shut up", she giggles. My gosh Esme is the only thing aside from Wilbur that makes me happy. Her smile is precious and her giggle is everything.
—
It's 1am. I'm here. In bathroom staring at my mirror.
WARNING: If you are sensitive to depression things do not read this.
I shuffle through my medicine drawer. I find my scissors and lift my sleeve.
—washing the red liquid off the scissors
I sit here like a mess on my bathroom floor. My phone screen keeps going on and off with notifications. Will you just stop?! I sit sobbing but boys don't cry. Why am I like this. Why am I me.
—
I only ate half of my dinner, or not even half. Ahh fuck. I grip my hair and burry my head in my knees. My phone starts ringing.
What is it this time. I just want to be a child again. When I had Mason with me. Why did he take himself. Why did he kill himself. Why am I wanting to kill myself. It was too soon. Too soon to die. We were only 12 when he killed himself. Maybe I can join him. Maybe my family can have a private, quiet life again when I'm gone.
I get out of the thoughts and hear my phone ringing.
ESME <3 IS CALLING
DECLINE OR ACCEPT
I hesitantly accept it since I'm trembling.
"HEYY RUELLL"
My gosh her voice just makes me have goosebumps. It's so angelic.
"Hi Esme", I try to sound as neutral as I can.
"Sorry for calling really late. Umm... Do you want to go for a drive and get some snacks?" Esme asks from the other side.
"Uhh s-sure", I gather myself up.
"Okie. See you in ten? I'll pick you up."
"Uh okayy."
There's just no time to die.
She makes me think that whenever I speak to her.
I put a shirt on with a hoodie on top. As I jump out of the living room window (because it's on the first floor of all the other floors) I see Esme's car. She stops at a place that is a safe distance from my house just in case my parents see her head lights.
