The Bad Boy Next Dorm

4 - Chances

'It's going to be ok, you're ok, it's just Jonah.' I thought to my self as I paced in front of his door.

It really just is Jonah. The person who I felt the most comfortable around.

In my mind, we had never even broken up, we just, went separate ways? Not sure. I guess, it was all really one-sided.

I knock at his door which I was standing in front of for around 10 minutes. 

The door opens and there he is.

"Yo." He says nodding his head at me.

I stare in confusion but I burst out laughing.

"Are you really gonna hit me with a 'yo'?" I say calming my laughter down.

"What do you want? 'Hi, baby?' Because if I remember correctly you're the reason we're 'friends' right now." He says rolling his eyes and exaggerating the air quotes. "Not even fucking friends." He says rolling his eyes again.

"Sheesh, I'm not serious Jo," I say rolling my eyes back. He sucks his teeth and opens the door wider for me. 

"What is it?" He asked before crossing his arms over his chest and cocking his head to the side.

"I'm here to hear you out," I answered flatly. "So, go ahead. I don't have all day."

"I'm not telling you shit if you're gonna pull an attitude with me." He answered back just as calmly as he ran a frustrated hand through his hair. 

We stood in uncomfortable silence for a few moments before Jonah spoke up. 

"Even without the attitude, I don't think I'd be willing to tell you. You don't deserve to hear me out now. Not when it's convenient for you, Nat." 

"Well," I start.

"No, there is no 'well'. I sent you 21 letters, which you ignored, I begged, I called, I even talked to your brother. It's been over 3 months. Why now?" I can tell he's starting to get angry, so naturally, I feel small around him, per usual.

I play with the sleeves of my hoodie and look down at the ground.

"I just, I realized, I never heard what you had to say, and I acted on impulse which I shouldn't have done, and I'm sorry," I did genuinely feel bad. I should've listened to him and his side. "You don't have to tell me, I understand, but I just want you to know that I'm sorry and I still love you," I do.

"I know, but you have no idea how much pain you put me through. I've never loved someone that much."

"Loved?" I say with a squeaky voice.

"Loved." He sighs and tears well up in my eyes. "Who am I kidding, I still love you, it's just, why couldn't you have just stayed a few more minutes that day? We wouldn't be here right now."

"I know, I'm sorry I regret it but how am I supposed to react when you indirectly tell me you're a drug dealer?" I say raising my voice.

"You listen to what I have to say. I never even said I was a fucking dealer," He says back equally as strong.

"Your face paled when I asked." 

"And what does that fucking mean Natalia?" He says walking up to me. "If you had just fucking stayed like I asked you to you would've understood that I was a dealer, shit went wrong and I just have to deal with the consequences. I haven't touched drugs since we've started fucking dating." He says practically yelling at me.

"I didn't know that..." I squeak.

"Of course you didn't fucking know." He says with a frustrated laugh. 

"I'm sorry," I say wiping my cheeks. I feel guilty, but I deserve it. I should've listened to him. 

He sits down on his counter and pops a can of soda and sighs. 

"They didn't lie when they said communication is key to a successful relationship." He muttered under his breath. "Plus you're fucking around with an actual stoner but you wouldn't hear your own boyfriend out after you jumped to conclusions. How's that fair in any way?" 

I shrugged unable to answer. athan did point it out to me and called me a 'monster'. Totally deserved it though. 

He sighed as he gently wraps his hand around my wrist and pulls me to stand between his legs. He gently lifts my face up with his finger to look at him.

"There, you've heard me out." He sighs as he wipes my tears. "I didn't mean to yell at you. I'm sorry."

I quickly shake my head.

"I deserve it," I say with a small laugh. He sends me a gentle smile in return.

"Yeah, you really do." He says and we both laugh.

"I miss you, Jonah," I say after a few moments. "I don't like not being with you. I'm sorry we ended things the way we did, or, I'm sorry I ended things the way I did."

"I guess all good things must come to an end." He sighs.

"But does this?" I asked after a moment of silence. "Give me one chance, please." Oh, the irony, good girl asking the bad boy for a chance.

He looks up at the ceiling and back at me. 

"Yes, but no. I still want you, but, I know you don't trust me." He sighed. "I can't be with you if you don't trust me."

I stood in silence and looked at him.

"So, you don't want me?" I said as my eyes start to well up.

"Of course I do, I just want you to trust me again. So, we can take it slow." His soft thumb brushes against my cheek and catches the falling tears.

I nod and slowly exhale. I wipe my tears and take a step away from him.

"Okay, that sounds good, well, you have my number now... call me sometime." I try to smile at him while wiping my tears.

"You got it." He says as I lean against the door. "Bye Nat."

"Bye Jo," I say as I open the door and slowly close it behind me. I let out a large breath and smile. I'm so stupid. So so so stupid, but it's okay, he loves me.

I don't deserve him.

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A/N ; happy new year everyone! ill try my best to continuously upload ahahah .. i promise. anyways this is a short chapter, sorry about it

dedicated to ; do we want them back together ..?

comment ; whats next?

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