The Past-Life Chronicles

19

It's Tuesday. Halloween—Samhain. Today marks the Sabbat of the Witches' New Year, and I've thought long and hard about my resolutions. It's a time for evaluating the last twelve months and setting goals for the next. And, of course, for honoring the dead.

Except, now I know the dead don't stay where we bury them. They follow us into the present. They live among us—they are us. Just like the seasons, the soul has a cycle. Life, death, and rebirth. Like the ancients had always taught.

The scent of firewood is strong and invigorating outdoors as our neighbors burn leaves and prepare bonfires for their Halloween parties this evening. Mason is coming over later to pick me up. But we aren't going to circle at Ash and Oak with our moms' coven. We're going to the park to do our own ritual, just us two. I'm finally going to hear him play his guitar—he promised me a private concert at his apartment afterward.

Maybe I'll even get the kiss I've been waiting for—my first kiss, which Henry has blocked approximately twice now. It would be the perfect way to ring in the pagan New Year...

In my warm, knit sweater, thermos of chai in hand, I step out onto the back deck, savoring the autumn day. I notice Henry, raking leaves. "I didn't know you were home," I call down.

He looks up. "Oh. Hey." He leans the rake against a tree as I climb down the steps to the backyard.

"How's it going?" I ask him.

He shrugs, as if weighing his response first. "It's going."

"How's school?"

"Challenging."

"I don't know about you," I smile, cupping the warm thermos between my hands, "but I thought that was kind of amazing when Joy said that Ray had wanted to be a doctor. It's like...your destiny."

When he doesn't return my smile, mine fades. "Yeah." He scratches the back of his neck. "Last week, if you would've said something like that to me, about destiny, I would've written it off and said you sounded like your mom. But now...I guess there's still a lot that science can't explain."

"Maybe you'll be the one to explain it," I offer hopefully, but he only rolls his eyes at me. I watch him, a tenderness for him spreading in my chest.

Seeming to sense this, his expression straightens. "Willow..." I can tell by his tone what he wants to discuss—or the gist of it, anyway—and I prepare myself. "Have you given any thought to what I said on the phone yesterday?" His neck reddens, whether from shyness or the cold, I don't know. "About healing this thing between us?"

I nod, but with reservation. "I think...maybe we can heal the past," I say carefully, "without necessarily having to repeat it."

He watches me, evidently still waiting. I know I need to give him more than that.

I toe the leafy ground with my boot. "Listen. I won't lie and say I don't have feelings for you."

Surprise ripples across his features, brightening his brown eyes.

"But..." Gods, this is harder than I thought. "We're family now. And it'll be that way as long as our parents stay married—which could be forever. If you and I hooked up, then things didn't work out between us, how awkward would that be at every family function for the rest of our lives?"

He shakes his head. "Why wouldn't it work out between us?"

"Well, first of all, you want to get out of this small, Midwestern hick-town, right? You're becoming a doctor. You're going to move to a big city like you've been dreaming of and build the life you always wanted."

"Come with me." He's so sincere, it makes me ache. "When I graduate and take up residency somewhere, we could...we could rent an apartment—"

"I'm not leaving Middling for a strange city."

"Why, because you have so many friends here?" he asks ironically.

"No. Because I'm perfectly happy here."

"You wouldn't have to drive in the city," he coaxes. "You could walk, bike, call a cab..."

"I'm getting my driver's license. I'm not afraid of cars anymore." Well...not as afraid.

He relents. "Okay. Well, if you ever change your mind, I guess we still have—as you said—every family function for the rest of our lives to tell me so." He grins, taking up his rake again. "And I'm pretty sure I'll drop whoever I'm engaged to at the time to be with you instead."

I bite back my laughter. "Not funny."

His grin stretches as he combs the leaves into a pile.

I'm about to head inside but decide to round back. I stretch onto my toes and give my stepbrother a kiss on the cheek. He pauses to regard me, both of us lingering, his cheek against mine.

"I'll always love you, Henry Hayes," I whisper. "Just how I'll always be your sister."

I won't say the longing in his eyes as I back away doesn't affect me. With my walls down these past few days, I know I could fall for him again, easily. And maybe someday, I might. I mean, he's right—there's time. For instance, if things don't end up panning out with Mason and me...

But, I'm getting ahead of myself. Today, on Samhain, under the awning of trees in our backyard and the carpet of multicolor leaves they've shed at our feet, it's good enough to know that my stepbrother and I are overcoming the past. The unresolved mysteries have been, for the most part, resolved. I can stand to live without them burdening us anymore.

I can also livewithout knowing the future. I can live in the moment, for now.