Beaming Through It All

Chapter Five

'What's happening to you?'

I sat up and saw Alison watching me. I had just fallen from the bars after some basic warm-up. Again.

'I mean, I know your arm has spent two months in a plaster and everything, but it's getting better right? You performed giants and swings like a pro yesterday, remember? Hey, you all right?'

I stood up. My back hurt after all my falls. But my arm was all right. I nodded.

'Maybe you need a break or something. I guess it's hard after all this time.'

I had never been so close to my gymnastics friends: we did go out and talk about superficial things and had fun, but I have no idea why I decided to be honest with her on this. It was the most personal thing I told her.

'It's not my arm,' I said. 'It's my sister, actually.'

'Really.'

'Yeah, she looked weird when I came home yesterday. Like she was exhausted or something.'

'People are exhausted sometimes. Don't worry about that, I'm sure your sister will be okay. You had better concentrate on your bars because the next competition is approaching and you don't want to fall then.'

Okay, Alison was obviously not the best person to talk to. But I really needed to confide and I had no one else. So I went on.

'It's not that. I think she had been crying or something. And she didn't sound cheerful as always. She was not the Jill I know, you know?'

'I don't know her,' she said simply. 'I guess you guys should talk.'

I nodded, but she was already rubbing her hands with magnesia. I sat on the carpet and looked at her getting on the bars, circling around them and performing different tricks. But my mind was still with my sister. The perfect girl, always hanging out with perfect friends, perfect boyfriends, and always happy and funny. What had happened to this girl? I pictured her once more in my head, sitting on the stairs, rubbing her eyes, sighing. She did seem exhausted: she had rings under her eyes, wasn't as perfectly made up as usual, and her hair was not combed. I hadn't really looked at her clothes, but I didn't remember seeing anything pretty on her.

'Hey.'

Alison had finished her routine. Gosh. Why was I so distracted? It was Jill who was usually taking care of me, not the other way round. And I had to work on my tricks.

'Still thinking about your sister?'

'Yeah,' I said. 'Sorry.'

'Well if you're not practicing, can you help me with my salto? I just can't grab the upper bar after it. I'm like, too low you know?'

'Sure.'

I was in my universe. At the place I liked the most. I had the smell of training in my nose, and the noise of the landings of the gymnasts practicing, and everything I liked so much about this sport. But as I helped Alison gain speed at the lower bar to improve her salto and grab the upper bar all right, I couldn't get Jill out of my mind. This girl for whom I cared so much, so miserable on the stairs, barely looking at me as she told me that what she had wished for had finally happened. As if it didn't count for her anymore, because she was involved in more important stuff now.

It had been two weeks since I had got rid of my plaster, and my arm was almost back to normal. I worked on its strength a lot and it was now almost as strong as the other one. My doctor was so stupid. I could go on with gymnastics. And not at a reasonable level, but for real. That was what I was planning to do. Unfortunately my mom didn't agree with my idea and it was hard to hide it from her. Every night at dinner she asked me about my day, and I had to set up lies to keep her unaware of my little plan.