kidz in me yard ;)

ze fatherhood

first things first im the realist lmao just kidding anyways, I have to give my kids a name. LINE UP CHILDREN I screamed. they all came up to me and told me their names. "lol no you will be receiving new names because names like Johnson and Sarah are unacceptable and plain. okay so you are PB&J, you're sherbet, you are moist, you're squirtle, you are aesthetic, your new name is phan, you are bich, you're kardashian and last but not least you are Cheeto-dust." i said. they all seemed to like their new names (hopefully I can remember them ahah). but soon after I let them leave they started acting like monkeys, especially sherbet, so I had to put down some rules. "okay so we all know now that I have reincarnated you into better children I have to lay down some rules. so everyone has to pray to shrek at least once a day, twice if you want good shrekmas presents. next, no climbing on my bed, it's for making more babies if you know what I mean kidz hehe ;). okay anyways you have to read the hat fic too. oh and lastly before i forget you all must have chores: Cheeto-dust has to clean dishes, aesthetic because you have such a kewl name you get to just be you, sherbet you have to massage me feet, phan you have to Fangirl all day, you better work bich, kardashian you have to be on Instagram all day, PB&J must relight the candles on our shrek shrine each day, moist you have to dust everything and squirtle you have to go food shopping" I finished as bich started to speak up "why do we have to follow UR rules m8?!" bich was a sassy one, the leader of the sloth pack. "well bich do you wanna end up on the streets again? no, yeah I didn't think that, so sit ur little booty down and calm ur tits. anyone else have something to say?" nobody answered. "good now get started matey" I said as they all started to do their chores. "oh and sherbet because I'm going on a walk just hang out with aesthetic" i exclaimed as I walked out the door. while I was walking I saw a missing sign. I looked at it and it had the pictures of my newborn children. I quickly crumpled it up and ate it along with all the other ones. I ran back home and saw all me kids had finished their chores. "now that you are all done WE CAN WATCH ALL THE PHIL IS NOT ON FIRES THIS IS A TREAT FOR ALL OF YOU ESPECIALLY YOY PHAN, WE ARE GONNA EDUCATE YOU!!111!1!!1!!1" we all sat down in front of the TV and PINOF 1 started to play, ahh the pheels. I looked over to phan and she was rocking back and forth while doing random movements, she was becoming the phangirl I always wanted her to be. she was making me proud :*). all the pinofs finished and we watched them again and again (requested by phan and Cheeto-dust) until it was 3:48AM. "okay kids go to sleep now we have a big day of learning ahead of us!" I shouted! "NOO SCHOOL UGH!!" PB&J whined. "don't worry it's fun school :)" I replied. "goodnight y'all!" I said. I went back down stairs to watch a new Troye Sivan video and I also listened to TRXYE for the 8th time (I also stalked some girls instagram but that isn't relevant) and when I went back upstairs I heard phan saying "2022" :)