(DanVid) 400,000 Danvids were harmed during the making of this fanfic.

Part 1

Once upon a time, there lived Daniel. He was sitting in his kitchen all by himself, drowning his sorrows away in cans of Bud Light.

Ever since that evening when Jen identified herself as a Plumbob, Daniel stopped his cult and spent his Saturday afternoons in misery. Even as he had other "pressing" desires, he could not bear seeing his (in)significant companion transformed into a diamond.

"Pole dancing," he moaned, "you're the only one who truly understand me. What should I do?"

Suddenly, his blond hair caught on fire and he screamed in pain. As his hair melted into birthday candles, the heat was so unbearable that Daniel hurried to the sink to put out its flames. He splashed its water unto his head, but as he lowered his hair, the sink caught him and sucked him into the pipes.

Moments later, Daniel sprouted out of a mushroom. All around him were enormous peach arms sprouting clusters of hands. As the cultist explored his new settings, he spotted another lanky man sitting on a simple chair. That man was waving a magic wand to create a rainbow, and then he used that wand to clean his teeth.

Daniel cracked his head. "Davey~" he muttered. "It's been a long while since I've met you." He planted his hands unto the ground and blasted off from his feet, flying quickly towards the redhead on his throne.

The sitting man whacked Daniel's face. "Tell me your wish, and I shall answer," "David" hooted.

"I want Xemüg to tell me what is happening to me and Jen!"

As soon as he had finished, the hand-trees started to melt. A black hole emerged behind David's throne, sucking everything into its centre. Before the frightened blond would also be dragged in, he held unto David and hugged him tight.

"I'm never leaving you for Xemüg's saaaaaaaake!"