I'm just writing whatever comes to mind. So sorry if you expected a story.
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Do you know that feeling just before you've reached your limit? I haven't felt it yet but I'm getting closer to it almost every day. It sucks that everything doesn't just go the way you want it to. It would be very convenient if life was like that, it'd be less stressful, less harmful, and less terrifying.
But what would be the point in that? It'd make life boring. I wouldn't want that.
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My friend been getting into trouble lately and she hardly around anymore. It sucks because at one point, people would say to us where's your "sister". Or in my case "where's your other 'sister'" and it gets me down when I think of how close we were. Now it like we're strangers. What makes this worse is that she's been drinking and other stuff. Its getting to the point where she might be taken from her mom. I feel like its partly my fault like maybe if I did something, I don't know what but something. Maybe, just maybe we'd still be close. But I also get the feeling it would have just turned out the same way.
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One time in my life I was a cutter. I still have a couple of scars that are very visible. Even though I haven't cut in I think almost a year. I still get urges and that scares me. The person that helped me the first time was a friend of mine we were close. Him and me were so close that people kept asking if we were dating. At first I thought it was funny because I never thought of him that way, he was just my friend nothing more. But after awhile people still asked and it got annoying and I was getting uncomfortable because I had just found out he liked me. So I was extremely uncomfortable but I tried to not let it bother me and tried to act normal. It worked for awhile.
Later on like maybe a month later, he asked me out but I said no. He asked a couple of times before I said yes. Anyways we were together for awhile and during this time I was cutting. One day during school I had taken off my jacket and I had completely forgotten about the cuts. He saw them and asked me why. I panicked and told him I don't know. Which was a stupid thing for me to say but I couldn't think at the moment. He took my blades and threw them away. There were times when we dated where he'd randomly ask if he could look through my bag. At the time I was confused but let him. Now when I look back on it he was probably searching for any more blades. As I said before we were together for awhile then he broke up with me and dated someone else. We were only broken up for maybe a month and a half before we got back together. It was awkward at first, well at least for me but eventually we went back to normal. I loved him but I don't believe I was in love with him, if that makes any sense. It was during my freshman year when we broke up again because during the summer he had cheated on me. But I didn't know that until the end of the school year. He told me he cheated through a text. I was sad, I had wanted to know who he cheated on me with but at the same I didn't. So now I don't know. After that we keep talking but it was obvious we weren't as close. And soon we slowly stopped talking to each other altogether. And its sad because of how close we were, like I could have told him anything and everything. Nowadays we hardly speak and almost never even say hi to each other.
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