You Saved Me ➵ Camren

12.

•TW-self harm and eating disorder behaviors•

After the long night of pleasuring each other, the girls slept through the night on the couch until Camila felt her girlfriend slide out from under her. Groaning, she reached out to find the girl, "Where ya going babe?" Lauren squatted down to her level and kissed Camila on the forehead.

"I've gotta go to work today, I've used up my vacation time. The girls at the diner miss me and I miss the free food." The younger girl sleepily nodded her head as Lauren went to get ready. She laid on her back and stared blankly at the ceiling, it's one of those days again. She can go from having a good day to having the worst day so fast. She's just accepted that there's nothing she can really do about it. Her depression comes in waves. Sometimes she doesn't notice it at all, while other times it feels like she's suffocating. Most of the time, she sleeps it off. If she's feeling especially bad and wants to feel dizzy and numb, she'll go back to her bad habit of taking a large dosage of Benadryl and going to bed for the whole day. It was a bad habit and not good for her liver, but it did the trick, and she didn't care if she felt like shit afterwards.

"Camz, you okay?" Lauren handed her some pajamas and underwear and sat beside her on the couch. The smaller girl shrugged, "Today's a bad day for me." She slipped on the underwear and pajamas, then buried herself back in the covers. Her girlfriend pulled her in for a tight hug and gave her a gentle peck on the lips, "I'm sorry baby. What do you need? If you text me before I leave work, I'll bring you back something from the store on my way home."

"I can't really think of anything right now. I'll be fine, but thank you Lolo." Lauren smiled at the nickname and pulled her in for another kiss before making her way to the door, "Okay, text me if you need anything. I'll be back at 3." She closed and locked the door behind her, leaving Camila to nap alone on the couch.

After napping for a while, she realized it was now 1 pm. Deciding she didn't want to sit with her thoughts any longer, she walked over to her apartment and took Lauren's key with her so she wouldn't get locked out. She walked to her bathroom and searched through her medicine cabinet and stopped when she saw her blade, silently thanking her girlfriend for not throwing it away. She took the blade out and decided against taking pills to knock herself out. She grabbed her blade and wrapped it in some toilet paper. She walked to her closet and searched through her clothes, grabbing a plain black hoodie and slipping it on, leaving her shirt and bra on the floor. She put the blade in her hoodie pocket and grabbed a banana from her kitchen before leaving and heading into Lauren's apartment. She sat down on the barstool in the kitchen and ate her banana, figuring she might as well eat something so she doesn't get bothered about it later.

After she was finished she sat on the couch and sat the razor on the table in front of her, and buried herself in the blankets, falling asleep to the faint sound of cars driving past the apartment balcony. When she woke up from her second nap, she grabbed her phone and looked at the time, it was already 2:30pm. If she was going to cut, she had to do it now, before her girlfriend got home or tried to call her. She quickly pulled up the sleeve of her hoodie and pressed the cold metal to her wrist, making a little blood run down her arm from how hard she was pressing. She stopped her actions when she came to her senses. She wanted to cut so badly, but she would disappoint Lauren. She couldn't do that to her, not after everything she'd done for her. But the urges had been too strong. She couldn't control herself. She slashed at her wrist and didn't stop until she was shaking in pain. Not bothering to wipe the blood off of her arm, she put the blade back on the table and decided to text Lauren, feeling her chest growing tighter.

Camila (2:36pm): Can you come straight home?

She sat her phone back down, but it dinged almost immediately with a text back.