The Creator's diary

Death

I don't think its just me, everyone must have think at least once before in there life.

'Is there any meaning to life?'

'Why was i born'

'Does God even exists at all'

'Does heaven or hell exist?  Or do we reincarnate?'

'7 billion people in the world,  God  why am i still single? '

~the last one was not me~

Anyway you get the point, in any case we lived in this cruel and unfair world where some people get all the good luck and fortunes and while some other barely have things to wear.

And I'm here while it could be said that in terms of financial issues our family tends to bends on the normal side,  But the same could not be said for health.

You see, a strange disease runs through our bloodline from our ancestors, when our grandmother gave birth to our mother she gave birth to non identical twins a boy and a girl the same thing happen to her mother,  and her mother before that.

And the same thing was with my mother
She gave birth to twins me and my sister.

So basically in every generation a twin is always born. ~pretty cool right? ~

~yes its pretty cool until you hear why im so depressed right now~

You see, the downside is that in every generation the boy always dies an infant.

Must be because of modern technology they manage to preserve my life for the longest time of 15 years,  at this point its basically a miracle that I'm still alive, My heart stop uncountable number of times during those 15 years, not only that,  i was also diagnosed with pneumonia, kidney failure and few other minor disease yet I'm still here despite all odds  its also what makes the doctors looking after me so baffled.

And just as we all thought the endless nightmare was going to end the gods pulled a prank.

~I guess i wont be surviving after all~

"Doctor,  I've made my decision,  its been a rough 15 years, lets end it here" i said to the doctor beside my bed

"Sigh* i guess the Gods were merciless to the
end"

Although the doctor look compose i could hear her chocking some saliva,
I could tell she was trying her best to not tear up,  same as with the nurse besides her.

Well it can't be help this was the same doctor that have look after me for the past 15 years,  in all those 15 year when death was looming over me i spend more times in the hospital than any other place, i spend more times in the hospital than in the school and just as everything was starting to look okay,  my condition went for the worst.

The reports shows that i had at most 4months left but even then  i still had hopes.

But situation changes, i heard the worst possible news i could ever hear.

My sweet twin sister had an underlying heart problem and was currently dying of heart failure.

She needs a donation quick.

So my fate was decided "euthanasia by organ donation" or "death by donation".

Honestly speaking i wasn't afraid, i have been preparing for the past 15 years, from another perspective it could be said that this was the only blessing i have receive during the last 15 years,  my death being of use to my precious sister,  i cant be more happy.

The only reason I used to hesitate to die before was because of her.

I start thinking back the time i spend together with my family,  i spend most of my time with my sister, healthy as a child we would chase each other around the house,

Catching bugs, building sand castle along the beach, eating each others ice cream and at times fighting with each other..

She was always childish and even though we are of the same age compare to me who was extremely tempered by life and was quite mature she was still very childish.
These memories were the only things that keeps me going,  even when i feel everything might be better if i disappear

Even though i still have 4 months to live,
My sister could not wait.

In my hands was a Diary filled with drawings and  a novel i wrote,  she would read them when she visited,  she love this fantasy setting type of story she would read them when she was bored so i decided to impress her by making a story,  a world to be precise.

This diary right here is filled with our hopes and fantasy our desired for happiness and covet from cruel world.

I took out a pen a tore a paper from the last page of the diary,  although it was a thick diary it was the only page left, i manage to complete the fantasy world in the last minute i hope she love it.

I hug the diary,  tears slowly fell from my face and i wrote at the paper

'Dear sis,  haha it seems i wont be able to fulfill my promise of going on a picnic after all, 
And it seems i wont be able to see you in your wedding dress when you get married in the future, forgive me my precious sister,  as much as i want to, i wont be able to play with you and argue with you,  please don't cry because of this stupid brother of yours - your stupid brother'

I silently went up the stair of the hospital to the top floor and look at the sky
The shining stars

My tears would not stop flowing

"why is life so unfair,  even i wanted to play together too, i want to spend time together with everyone,  have friends and enjoy life,  i didn't ask for much yet why are you so cruel what have i ever do to you"...

Yet there did not came an answers....

The next day came...  Which was also my last day.

The doctor look gloomy clearing hesitating.

I close my eyes as death slowly started swallowing me.