Footsteps echo through the hall, the resonating silence filling my ears. With every footstep, i walk faster and faster. Life is gray, devoid of emotion. It's a reflection of my personal feelings. I hate it. I hate how it makes me seem emo, how it makes me seem depressed. I fit the mold of the sterotypical teenager perfectly. I'm filled with disgust. It was never meant to be this way. Everything that had gone down shouldn't have gone down. It had regardless of what was right and had came down heavily on me. Truth came at me and slapped me across the face. Kicked me and beat me until I was lying on the ground whimpering. It left me there, leaving me to fend for myself. Didn't it know I couldn't handle myself; that I would make the wrong decisions? I guess it didn't care because it only watched as I dug my grave deeper and deeper. Time went on and on and all it did was watched as I lied to myself more and more, believing it mo0re with each lie. Truth wouldn't come forward and shine the light on me, it left me in the dark to wallow in self pity and grieve over what i thought i really was.
It wasn't until he walked into my life, that some truth was uncovered; that i was able to finally walk in the light. He changed everything in a matter of seconds. He walked into my life as if it was nothing but took everything of me- my heart, body and soul- with him. If it weren't for him I would still be depressed. I would still be lying to myself and wasting my life away, giving my time and body out to people who didn't actually care and slowly falling deeper into drinking. He stopped me and shook some sense into me. He made me see that I was worth more than what I recieved. He made me realize that I do have control of my life and that nobody should hold me back. He made me realize that true love is possible.
Finally, I could see past my dark, depressing demeanor. Finally, i didnt stare out my window for hours wishing i wasn't here, wishing i was somewhere else. Finally i had someone to help me conquer my inner demons.
He was my everything, and he still is my everything.
I thought once fall came around, things would be different. Our summer of revealing secrets and relishing in unrequited love would sadly end and we would be confined to our houses and school. I was wrong, happily. We still see each other and we still share that love. If anything our connection as well as our love has only grown. I can imagine what life would be without him. I see me walking thorugh school last winter. Devoid of love and emotion, devoid of the will to care. Depressed and emo. Running from my past, barely living in the present, hoping for the future. With him im so much better off. I don't want to lose him, ever. I sometimes take how comfortablewe are with each other and how often we see each other for granted. I go off on him for stupid things. In the end I regret it so much it hurts. I lvoe him with all my heart. That will never change.
In the end, he was my dream come true. He has made my life worth living and worthwhile. He gives me so much love and affection. I don't want it to ever stop.
I love you Ben <3
