There was a time when I shied away from you, scared of your touch, visions of physical harm and blowups rampant in my mind. There was a time when I couldn't find it in me to tell you anything for fear you'd misinterpert it and turn away from me. Scared at the prospect of losing you, I hid away and instead focused my energy on helping you. There was a time when the thought of doing anything more than simple kisses caused my emotions to spiral in every direction; confused at what I felt and scared by what would become of my efforts and actions. There was a time when I would willingly hold back tears because of the fear that I was repeating past mistakes.
There was a time when you were the last person in the world I would trust with my secrets.
The circumstances have changed and so has our relationship. We're different people now. We feel differently about the world, ourselves, and each other. Where I once shied away from your touches, I now openly and quite abrasively hold onto for dear life, scared about what if's. Where I once held back all my secrets I now open my heart and soul to you, no longer scared of what you might think of me. The thought of kissing you and beyond no longer scares me. Our connection grows stronger with every touch, every sensation. I love it.
You are my one, my only.
They say don't look beyond 6 months yet I find it impossible not to. You choose to instead look forward despite what people think.
I constantly look over my shoulder, scared away by the thought that people are watching, judging how we look together. you choose to ignore them and love freely. I admire you for that.
I can't help but reflect on the fact that I almost never got a chance with you. You choose to ignore it, remaining blissfully ignorant to the fact that you were so close to ending it with a click.
I admire your intelligence daily. You choose to turn away and pretend you didn't hear me.
I see you as a hero. You see yourself as an normal (ok maybe a little abnormal) 18 year old man.
Words will never do me justice and I fear that actions won't either. My love can never fully be expressed though I hope you realize how much I love you.
Forever and Always Honey.
- Jess
