Where Tangents Meet

Prologue

Silence filled the air. The park was sedated, you and I were the only ones there. It was just us, alone, under the moonlight. I looked down and focused on my shadow, avoiding your gaze. I could sense your eyes on me, waiting for what I'm going to say next. I let out a sigh and looked at you. My eyes softened at the sight in front of me.

No matter how many times you've hurt me, no matter how many nights I've stayed up for you, no matter how many tears I've shed because of you, every time I see you, I am reminded of the person I knew and fell in love with; and I am afraid that that will always be the way I'll look at you - my everything.

I was caught off guard when a tear trailed down my cheek. Embarrassed,I quickly wiped it away and chuckled. "Sorry, there was something in my eye," I said under my breath. You took a few steps closer and pulled me into a hug.

"I don't know why you called me out here for or what you're going through but I know you're not fine," you told me while keeping me in your warm embrace. Your hugs have always been the best; they've always healed my pain and brought me back to life. But this one seemed different, probably because it was going to be the last I'm going to get from you. Before I even knew it, tears were streaming down my cheeks one by one.

"Just remember that I'm always here for you," you whispered softly to my ears.

I turned to look at you when you said those words.

I pulled away and gazed at you straight in the eyes. "But you never are,"I snapped. Stunned, "What are you talking about? I was always there when you needed me,"he lamented. I bit back the tears and anguish that has been meaning to come out. I recalled all the moments when I needed him. All the moments when I wanted him to be there. All the moments when he didn't put me in his list of priorities.

"Then why am I feeling this way? If you were, why would I even say that?",I mumbled. "It's fine though, I wouldn't want to be the reason for you to hold back from being happy because I'm always happy when I see you smile." 

I remembered one day after school, I was really stressed and bummed out. School that day had a huge impact on me, not to mention that my mom was out with her so-called "hubby". I needed to let off steam so I called you. You said you were still out with your friends but you'll be there in half an hour so, I waited. Half an hour turned to an hour. An hour turned into two. Two hours turned to three. The night was young and I was still waiting. You never came. It hurt me,but it was fine. You could've said that you weren't coming. You could've told me to go ahead. But no, apparently, "I lost track of time". It was still fine, I told myself that it must've been important to you.

I remembered four different times when you went out drinking without ever telling me, it wouldn't have been a big of deal if you had just asked or told me at least. Drinking may not have been a big of deal to you and your friends but to someone who was raised by an uptight family, there are always questions to be asked before a drop or shot of that venomous liquid. If you had gotten drunk, do you think you could prevent yourself from making decisions you'd regret?

I remembered every single time you've chosen your friends, your hobbies, and your "priorities" over me, even when I really needed you. It was fine, you have been happy doing those things and routines all your life and I just came into the picture, I wouldn't want to disrupt that cycle.

Every single time, I'd get hurt but learn how to deal with it so I wouldn't have to cause you trouble. "A martyr," my friends would tell me. Am I? I don't think so, I convinced myself that I'm just overreacting over things that are pointless. But after getting hurt for so many times and spending a week or so without you, I realized that I can be happy on my own. I didn't need you to make me happy because I had me and my friends. I guess I have been holding on because I was afraid of losing you. Afraid of losing what we had.

You gave me a questioning look but when it occurred to you, your face said everything. "Wait. Did you tell me to come out here so you..."I looked down and gave you a small nod. "Why? I can change. I'll do anything, everything." I wouldn't meet your gaze - I couldn't."I don't want you to change because in the first place, the way you are is the reason why I fell in love with you. I still do. I really love you, so much that I always end up getting hurt."

I slowly let out my hand to cup your cheek but immediately pulled it back once I realized that it would just hurt me more and give you false hope. "I'm sorry, I can't do this anymore. I'm breaking up with you." Your lips parted and closed again, as if you were about to say something, but instead you gave me a sad look and a sad smile. "I'm sorry if I haven't been giving you what you have needed. I'm sorry."

Your apologies never had any impact on me. Whenever you said sorry, I never felt its sincerity. I never felt the guilt in your words. I never felt comforted but this was different. For once, I felt the sadness and the regret in your voice and words. I chuckled. "I'm sorry if I was never good enough for you. If I didn't live up to your expectations that you needed someone else to make you happy,"I started. "But for the most of it, I really did love you. I still do." 

I couldn't get myself to look at you. "That's why I think it's best for the both of us if I let you go." I held your hand for the last time. "It's not you or me. It's just that we were never compatible for each other in the first place. We were two people from two different worlds who would meet in between.Convincing ourselves that it is all for love but the truth is, we are just hurting each other unknowingly. " 

You tightened your grip and put your other hand on top of mine, "I understand what you are saying but this will not be the last time we will meet. Maybe one day we'll see each other again. It could be as friends, a coworker or something else." For one last time you pulled me into a hug, "If this isn't the last time we meet, I'll take it as a sign that fate plays with people once in a while. But with the way things have been going for us, for you especially... I pray that if we ever do meet again, it'll be under a different sky.A brighter, clearer one, I hope."

The fastest way to lose love is by holding on too tight, the best way to keep it is to let it go. You may not be with the person you love but if it's genuine, just seeing him is already enough. There is no way you can hold onto something that wants to go. You can only love what you got while you have it.

I see yourself being truly happy every time you're free. When you were not bound by chains, rules or commitments. When you were living life to the fullest. Seeing you like that made me happy but the idea of you choosing it over me made me less important. Recalling that made me realize that breaking you free from this relationship will make everything better, for the both of us.

I slowly walked away from you, leaving the park. I told myself not to look back but I did; and I saw you still standing there and staring at me. I gave you one last smile and left. This may not be the last that we see each other but it might be the last of our story.

"'Til our paths may cross again..."