The Awkwardness: Silent but deadly

There is a small hallway with dark brown carpet floors. Leading to two double doors. Between these doors are two elevators. One behind me and one in front. The traffic of this small hallway is rather moderate. With a camera monitoring who goes in and out.

Have you ever been alone and did something out of character? Like peeping around both corners before removing your underwear from the crack of your ass? Or picked a booger while nobody is looking? Guys you ever stuck your hand in your pocket to secretly position your nuts from falling out of your boxers? Cool then you get it. That day I found myself in a compromising situation. One that required solitary. "Empty Elevators!! Yes!!"

To understand the importance of this operation you have to know why it was created. It was early in the AM. I had a huge bowl of cereal before leaving. I hadn't took my morning dump. My pants were a bit too tight at the waist. And here I stood with the infamous BUBBLE GUTS!! The open elevator doors felt like the gates of heaven being opened. A place of solidarity to release this nuclear bomb in my intestines!! The doors shut and the fumes were released! I sat in this gas chamber waiting to get to the top floor.

'Ding'..."Hello how are you?" Wait!! What!! I didn't consider this moment. A passenger! A ride along!! Oh God. "Just act normal man" is what I thought to myself while this poor old lady suffered from these fumes. Not too mention that she walked in at the end of the fart. You know. That moment its high pitched right before it ends. When it sounds like Mariah Carey going 'berrrrrrrrrrmp' in the highest note that she can.

Here I am. Knowing this lady heard and smells what has just happened. These few seconds from floor to floor seems like an eternity. To make matters worse we are going to the same damn floor. And what do I say to break the ice? How do I make myself look like more of an idiot? By saying to this lady "Geesh, I think someone passed gas." As if she doesn't know out of the two people standing here, her and I, which ass that sound and horrific smell came from. Jesus Christ!! Shoot me already. 

Luckily we went separate ways after exiting the elevator. To add injury to insult she slightly coughed and whispered "my god" while walking away.

That chapter of my life had came to end. At least for the moment. However, I know we will meet again soon. The awkwardness tends to find me at my most vulnerable moments. Till we meet again.......Damn you silence.

-Cash

"Socially Awkward"