Come back, I need you // Depressed Peter Parker (Spider-Man) //

ch. 3: The wrong is the right.

Peter's POV:

There I was, resting my numb body on a dirty highschool bathroom, looking all pathetic and feeling like trash. Funny, right? After a beating what hurts the most should be your body, but for me it was my thoughts, it was just too much information at once. I couldn't understand what was really going on at that momemt. "If I were to deserve all this and they weren't the bad guys... Am I the wrong one here? What have I done to be bad?... If their whole reason to do this is 'because I'm worthless' then it should also be what makes me the bad guy..." I shook my head, denying my own conclusions. "No, Peter! Thats insane! Being 'me' isn't an excuse for them, I'm a good guy and they aren't. Remember that Peter, we are and always will be, on the good side." I contradicted outloud, not like anyone will hear me rambling to myself anyway.

I remained motionless and in silence for some minutes more, then I let go a long sigh and made my way home. I avoided by all means walking even near the school's dining room and got out of the building, heading home with the best smile I could show to hide the intense pain I felt by breathing on it's own. That 30 minute walk was one real struggle.

When I finally stepped through my apartment's door and closed it, I looked around for May as I made my way down the corridor to my room. "Of course she's not here, dumbass, at this time she's working! How come I forgot so soon that I'm skipping class? ...I really am that tired" I chuckled quietly to myself, leaving my bag on the floor next to the desk and taking off my jacket. "Home sweet home..." I muttered as I checked the time in my phone, seeing it was 1:40pm and that May would arrive around 4pm. I thought of having lunch but I was exhausted and not hungry at all, "Nah, pass. Just one meal wont make a difference anyway." I thought to myself as I got in the bathroom, not even bothering to close the door behind me.

I stared at my reflection in the mirror, pulling up my shirt to see all the growing bruises covering my ribcage. "Aw man, these are gonna turn me into a purple alien" I joked, pulling down my shirt and thinking to myself on the mirror. "Now, I have time to worry about what happened earlier before the beating, no one will judge me, I'm on my own and I can do it. Calm down and think, Peter." I told my reflection, pointing at the mirror reassuringly.
"Alright. I got in the bathroom and then a lot of crazy things happened until the kicks snapped me out of that craziness... Tony was there, just like last night's nightmare... God, what even got into me?" I sighed, facepalming exasperated. "Was that like an anxiety or panic attack? I don't even know how those actually feel, maybe I did was delusional? Uhm... It wouldn't make sense to snap out so easily. Whatever it was I know for a fact that pain stops it, I dont know to what level though... How long had they been kicking me until I noticed? I must find a solution before that happens again because it can't happen again." I shook my head in denial, being sure of my words.  "...What am I gonna do if it happens?.... I lost myself completely if it weren't for- hold on, pain woke me up at some point. Even if it took long or not, it worked in the end, and that's all I have for now... If I notice on time and inflict pain somewhere on my body, I will wake up! Only at the cost of some painkillers for later!" My face lit up as I slowly built up my theory, it was kind of creepy but it cheered me up real fast, I didn't feel so defenseless with that 'plan'. "Wow, now this discovery is exciting in a very weird way... Oh well, even if it's a messed up plan it's still all I got at the moment. It will work fine Peter, dont worry, you'll be alright in the end." I added before being quiet for a bit, staring at my tired face in the mirror with a sad smile. I touched the dark circles under my eyes hesitantly, as if it was scary. "Are these...? God, I didn't realise how visibly weak I am face to face, not like I can do much about it, disgracefully." I muttered as I rubbed my eyes and stepped back from the mirror to later turn around and walk out of the bathroom.