Kentrell Gaulden
I sat in my car as I blowed out smoke from my gar just thinking. I came a long ass way. I rm asking niggas for shit now I'm the nigga who ppl asking for stuff from. This shit ain't been easy man robbing niggas, killing niggas, hurting niggas. I gotta chill I gotta whole ass daughter. And a ole lady. I never thought I'd make it this far with anybody. Barely myself . In and out of prison , barely had a mama , daddy in jail , hoes fucking over me , opps . I never really had peace all I want is peace. When ima get peace? I think I found my peace but can I keep it nah I never can I need some self control. I'm in pain.
I took a few more hits off my gar and blasted some music as I texted one of my hoes and let them know I was on my way. After I sent my message I blast off to her house. Sometimes I wonder if people actually love me . I Never felt that , what is love ? Ain't nobody really love me
Jahri Londyn
Recently I have been working on becoming a nurse. I went back to school to get myself together and I just got approved to get my student loan! I was beyond excited, I finally was able to do something that I love. I texted Kentrell to let him know. He wasn't responding to me so I called him.
"Hey baee I just wanted to let-" I was cut off by a sound of moaning in the back.
"Tf Kentrell dont tell me you doing what I think you doing." I said growing angry the more I heard.
"Man chillout i'm just getting my dick wet" He said picking up a styrofoam cup in his left hand.
"Then you gon be bold with it. But let me go fuck another nigga you gon want kill the fucking nigga. Man you'n have nun else to tell me. Fuck You Kentrell".
"Mane fuck you too" He said before his hoe hung up the phone.
My stupid ass. I should've known that Kentrell wasn't ready to be serious. He gave me a promise ring and everything and here I am thinking he really wanted me. I gave him a beautiful baby girl, loyalty, what else could he want? I knew I shouldn't have moved that fast with him. Im so stupid. Never again I promise. The next time I ever fuck with Kentrell again pigs better be flying.
I just sat alone on my bed and cried. I cried, I cried, and I cried. I didn't wanna see nobody right now. I just wanted to be alone. I began to pack my bags of clothes and Ke'ahris things. I was done. I just want out. Later I would go to get Ke from Sani for the weekend.
I grabbed my keys off the stand, grabbed both bags. I packed them into my car. I connected my phone into the aux and started the car. But before I pulled off I wrote a text to Kentrell.
"You dont ever have to worry about me again. I will never forgive you Kentrell. Fuck you. I been through the worst shit with you. And me being dumb I thought I could trust you again and again. I built you up. I made you happy. I did everything you asked. Just to be fucked over constantly. Dont come look for me I'm through. You'll never see me again. and If you want your daughter get her through your friends nem.I loved you I really did. But now I dont give a fuck about anything that have to do with you." It read. I blocked his number and deleted the contact. I sped off.
Drinking and Driving by Jhene Aiko started to play. I drove onto the emptied highway and just sped. Tears were rolling down my face as I sung my heart out.
" Could you remind me why I am here? I can only feel with you. I am only real with you. So I need you to tell me that you love me some more. Put your hands on my body as my clothes hit the floor. I know you barely know me but tonight I am yours. Ask me what do I want I say what ever can cure this mess. Do whatever Im yours , do whatever can cure this loneliness,yes. Do whatever im yours , do whatever I'm sure. Anything , Anything, Anything, Anything to feel alive. "
I was driving and crying. I felt so vulnerable. Kentrell didn't love me. He never did. He just wanted somebody to feel secure in. He wanted me to be a stupid bitch for him. And I did. He used me for security when I just wanted him for him. I just wanted love. I want love. I wanna feel loved. I wanna be secure in somebody. I wanna trust.
I sighed as I pulled into the gas station. I quickly got out finished pumping gas, and got right back in. But before I could pull out, I saw a hand on my window. It was him. His eyes were red and low. I could tell he had been smoking and drinking.
" Don't leave me you all I got" he cried out to me. Maybe I am over reacting? But here I am loving hard and trying to find excuses for him. When clearly he didn't give a fuck.
I deeply sighed and put my car in reverse. He started walking after the car. He would wanna move before I run over him. Cause how I'm feeling right now. Who knows?
"Move" I yelled out the window. He moved. I pulled out the gas station and finished the song.
" I got one hand on this bottle, one foot on the gas. I'm searching for trouble. I'm moving too fast. I'm running from shadows. I'm hoping I crash. Just to wake me up from the pain in the past Hennessy, Plenty weed. Do you have anything stronger?I don't care give it here. Wanna make this high last longer. Unafraid unaware can't you see I am dying. Wanna feel what is real anything is worth me trying" I sang. I pulled up to Sani's house. I got out and knocked on the door. As soon as I walked in I fell onto the sofa and just began crying harder.
