We'll be fine [Stozier]

Cautro

Love comes in many ways. There's romantic type of love. There's sexual type of love. There's also platonic love. I've never been one to share about my love life. There's always been the fear of being judge by those around me.

Hell, richie was my first kiss. He's the first person I'd ever loved in a romantic way. Of course I love all the losers, but there's only platonic love. There's so much stuff you'd do for someone who you love even f you know it's gonna end up with you being hurt.

So when you lose someone with out them truly being gone that breaks you. Avoid. That's what I'm good at. I'm good at avoiding people. Even if my love for them is strong I'll avoid them because it hurts more when they tell you that it's over.

I don't blame anyone, but me. Beverly says that I shouldn't hold hatred towards Richie but that's the problem. I can't, no matter how hard I try to hate him I just can't. So I blame my self. There's no one else to blame.

Maybe if I was pretty. Maybe if I had nice straight hair that was a nice brown. Instead of my dirty blonde curls. If I was shorter maybe he'd love me more. If I looked like Eddie then maybe he'd love me.

But there's no way in hell im dying my hair brown and straightening it everyday. All I can hope for now is to one day get over Richie and find some else to love.

"Mr. Uris, are you paying attention."

I looked up from my desk, I could feel every ones eyes on me. " I-I uh I yah-yeah I'm paying attention." I could see Ben smiling at me. I turned my head and my eyes meet with his.

He eyes looked puffy as if he'd been crying. Like he'd been crying at the same time as me last night. I wondered if he to hugged he's pillow at night. He's eyes stared at me as if he were to look away I'd vanish.

I fought everything in my and turned my head back down to my desk. I could still feel his eyes scanning through me. Like if I was some alien from a different planet.

Soon the bell rang and I began to pack my stuff. I looked up excepting to see Ben waiting for me. But I was meet with Richies eyes again. Not so good at avoiding people now huh.

"Can we talk please."

"I uh- I've got um- I've got to go to class."

"You have a free class next it doesn't matter if you go or not it doesn't count."

" I'm sorry chee but I've got to go."

I walked out the class room. I felt like I might pass out. I hadn't talked to him in weeks. His voice sounded to sad and shameful. My hand was soon pulled and I was soon facing Richie again.

"Stanley please, please just let me talk please."

Those stupid eyes and perfect lips.

      "Fine."

He grabbed my hand and walked me to a janitors closet.

" I'm so, so sorry. You don't deserve what I did too you. I was scared. You'd always been so well kept so amazing and I ruined that. I ruined that all because I was scared that you'd realize that I liked you more than a friend. I was scared you'd notice that I always tried to make our kissed last longer. And when-when bill and Eddie broke up I was sure you'd leave me for Bill. So I though that if I just kinda avoided you and tried to just like someone else it wouldn't hurt as much. But it hurts so much knowing I could if just told you. I could have prevented all of this if I wasn't such a coward and I-"

I wrapped my hands around his waist letting my head rest on his chest as I listened to his heart beet slowly start to clam down.

"What are- what are you doing?"

"I'm hugging you. You should hug me back."

He wrapped his arms around me setting his head on top of mine.

"I'm sorry."

"I'm really sorry Bebe."

"I fucked up so ba-"

"Richie."

"Mhm"

"Shut up and kiss me."

He pulled away and looked down at my eyes. His eyes seemed to look happier. He slowly leans forward until our lips were inches apart. "You sure you want me to kiss you"

I have him a quick nod. He placed his hand on my check and my hands made their way to his waist as out lips connected.

Published April 25,2020