We'll be fine [Stozier]

Tres

Lack of emotion. Lack of fun. That's one way the kids at my school would describe me. I wouldn't laugh much. Not with them at least. I'd always been kept to my self.

I've been so good at hiding my emotions even my friends sometimes wonder if I'm human. The only losers who have heard me make jokes and laugh are Richie, Beverly, and Mike.

But even they worry I might be to good at hiding emotion. I rarely ever go out. Sure ill go to the club house or the quarry but that's all.

Most of the times it would be just bill, Ben, Beverly and Richie who went to party's. But even the rest of the losers would go to the mall or arcade. I just seemed to want to have no contact with the outside world.

So when Bill had asked the losers if they'd want to go a party they didn't expect for Me to say yes. That didn't seem like a Stan thing to do.
(It's hard to write the stutter so it's not included)

"Would you guys be down to go to a party." Bill asked. His voice sounding sad. He and Eddie decided to take a small break as they had been fighting.

"Why big bill I would love to go" Richie spoke. His head lifted a little. He's head was on top of my lap. My fingers getting tangled in Richies hair as I played with the mess of curls.

"Me and Ben have nothing better to do so yeah I guess so" Beverly was sitting next to Ben her head on his shoulder as he sleepy silently.

"Sure I'll go" Mike spoke. His voice sounding of boredom and tiredness. Eddie looked at bill and gave him a small smile before saying a quick sure.

"What about you stan. You cmon with me. It'll be fun." Richie said with a huge grin on his face. He had expected for me to say no but when he got a yes he was surprised.

"Yeah why not I'll go." I would have said no. I hated party's. But I'd been faking dating Richie for 2 months now. I knew I had to appreciate the moments I had with Richie.

I had realized my feelings for Bill had gone away. I wondered if I ever even liked bill. All my mind could think of was Richie. I knew Richie didn't like me like that. Richie only needs me so he can get close with Eddie.

Eddie and bill weren't together which meant Richie would try a move on Eddie. Even though that hurt me, I knew I had agreed to do this. I knew I would end up hurt anyway.

As all the losers got into the van bill agreed to sit in the front with mike. Leaving me to sit by my self as Richie took a sit next to Eddie. The whole ride there my heart broke every time richie would make Eddie laugh.

I though about how much bill loved Eddie. He'd probably be so heart broken if Eddie and Richie got together. I felt so bad for Bill. I'd  basically helped Richie so he could get with Eddie.

Once we had arrived Richie promised me he'd stay with me the whole time. At first it was fun. A song both Richie and I new came up, we started dancing. Singing along, in that moment I felt happy. I felt loved.

Soon enough Richie left to get drinks. Leaving me to wait. I waited. 5 minutes went by. 10. 15. Soon 30 minutes had gone by. I assumed Richie had found Eddie and forgotten all about Me.

I walked around until my eyes spotted a familiar face. But my smile soon vanished as I saw Richie and Eddie dancing. He looked so happy. Was Richie ever even happy when he was with me?

They were so close. Richies hands on Eddies waist. Eddies hands on Richies neck. Richie started leaning into Eddie as if he was gonna kiss him.Tears stared forming in my eyes. Soon I was meet with a pair of eyes staring at me.

I quickly turned around and headed upstairs. I could hear Richie calling after me. I walked into a room and Richie followed behind me. "Stan what's the matter, why do you look so sad."

"Just go away rich" I wiped at his eyes trying to stop the tears. "Stan your not mad about me dancing with Eddie are you? You know it's not cheating right? This is fake. We're not actually in love"

Once those words left Richies mouth I had enough and just let the tears flow down my cheeks. I looked at him seeing the confusion and worry flowing in his eyes.

"No your not in love!" He looked me dead in the eye his face looking of confusion. "What are you talking about? We said this was fake. I like Eddie. And you like bi-"

"NO! you like Eddie! I don't like Bill! I like you! But you don't like me!" I could feel my face growing red with embarrassment. "Stan, Bebe, we can figure this out i-"

"You picture his lips while kissing mine and that keeps breaking my heart" I knew I should've declined his offer when he asked to be boyfriends, but it was to late now. I had just fucked everything up.

"I'm done. I can't keep having this fake relationship, because I really, really like you but you don't, so go, have fun with Eddie and forget you even dated me."

I walked out the room. Tears still flowing out of my eyes. I causing sight of Beverly and went over to her. "Hey bev do you think you could take me home."

She looked up at me her happy expression soon replaced with a worried face. "Stan what happened are you okay."

"Can you just take me home please." She quickly got up and grabbed my hand leading me outside. Once we were outside away from the others she looked me up and down making me feel judged.

"Stanley, honey look at me, why are you crying you don't usually cry around anyone. Did someone hurt you." Her hand came in contact with my face as she wiped away my tears.

" I broke up with Richie."

"Stanley... did, did he do something, you know he gets drunk and says stupid shit all the time."

"He never loved me."

"Stan don't say that,"

" he had come over to my house before we dated. He's liked Eddie and when Bill and Eddie got together he felt jealous and since I liked Bill he thought we should date. So I did. But I stared to fall in live with him bev. I don't like Bill, But he likes Eddie. So I broke up with him because it hurts to know he pictures Eddie while kissing me."

"Oh stan. It's okay, it's okay, come here I'll take you to my place I don't want to leave you alone right know"

So off we went. When we got to her house she gave me one of Bens sweet pants that she had and a shirt that fit her to big. She let me sleep in her bed with her. I cried most of that night in Beverlys arms.

I knew I would have to face Richie again but for now all I could do was cry. Cry and hope that this was all a nightmare.

Published: April 22, 2020