Vehemently Yours,

34.Murkyly Testifying

Sebastian was running. Nothing ever good comes when Sebastian was out on the run. Especially, out in the cold cut weather like this.

But there he was running. The clouds of his own breath coming out of his mouth like pants of grief, he pushes his legs with more pressure to strain him. To hurt him. Punish him. Anything to make him feel bad about what he did yesterday. Boy, was that list long.

Let's brainstorm.

First, he lied to Daniel. Like a jackass. Why did he say she was at Anderson's? He should have just said the truth but in both scenarios he could see Rene was going to bury him and chop him up for sure.

There was no way in the world Rene would allow Sebastian to let her father know what was going on first. If they ever say anything, knowing Rene she would walk bravely and proudly first. She was a woman like that. Somehow, that made him want her more.

Secondly, he made her cry. Like a jackass. Who makes women cry when you are in love with that insane woman? Well, technically everyone has gone through that road.

If you don't love truly, you don't feel pain truly. It's complimentary that way. Still, no excuse. He couldn't make her spill tears like that for a guy like him. Especially for him who made her cry buckets and buckets. The jackass who has mommy issues and other irrational ones.

Thirdly, he had not even disclosed his true feelings to her directly. She heard it from him like an outsider. It's like those times when two people are standing right in front of you and they are talking about you like you don't exist. He professed his feelings like that. Like again, a jackass.

Fourthly, if Daniel knew. He wouldn't allow Rene to come within few feet from him. Daniel would say he broke his trust, not to mention the knockout he was going to land on him.

And, Sebastian had broken his trust. Like a jackass. He lay his grubby hands on his sweet daughter. His feisty little daughter.

He stopped short.
What if I can't see her ever again?

The thought appeared like a death beacon. It drained the color from his face. The destitute of despair and anger collapses around him. He felt ice cold death grip him with a choke. He couldn't go long without Rene.

He saw the person he needed and he had to go get it. Get her and make them whole again. Get her to come home to him because that's where she belongs.

Home was him. Heart was hers to take. Hers was something he'd treasure and pace around it, protecting it and never leaving it alone.

Now, the future was uncertain. It was murky. It's like the rug has been pulled from under you and you fall over pieces of glass. The glass cutting inside your back, it delves into the flesh. Yet, the pain still wouldn't come close to the loss of a dream he calls his Rene.

This was a test from God. How much could he handle? All his life he had only wanted one thing. To love and be loved. To belong and be belonged. To cherish and be cherished. Is that so much to ask?

He ran till he saw the rooftop of his house. He squinted his eyes at a figure standing in front of his door. Coming close, he scowls.

"Haven't you done enough?"

Nicole stands sheepishly in front of his door.

Suddenly, it reminded him back to when they were young. How innocent she had looked. The brave child who sought to take care of him from his own flesh and blood. Their mother who gave him his scar.

The woman who stands before him helped get through school. She'd tie his shoelaces and kissed on his chubby cheeks saying 'everything is all okay'. Told him 'everything is going to okay with her by his side'.