It's 10 o clock and I'm still walking alone in the dark. I really hate my life.. I wish it would all just end. Just then, a car pulls up to the side of me and I roll my eyes. "If you're going to try to rape me, you better quit. I'm pretty fast for a short girl. (I'm 4'9. Cute, right?) I hear Roc laugh, "Rape? Nah, more of a ride home. Get in." I turn to him and get in the car. I sit down and look at him, "What are you doing driving around at this time?" He starts driving, "I called your phone to ask how you're doing and you wouldn't answer. So, I drove around that prostitute place you got caught at once to see if you were there." I cringe and look out the window, tears coming to my eyes. I hate how my best friend looks at me in that way. He continues, "So, no boys behind your back this time?" And with that, I burst into tears. Roc pulls over and looks at me in shock. He's never seen me cry before. Hell, no one's seen me cry before. "Jahnique. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to make you cry." The comfort in his voice made me cry even harder. Why am I doing this? I don't cry.. He holds me in his arms and I lay my head on his shoulder. "I always say stuff like that to you. Why are you crying now?" I wipe my tears, "They always hurt, Roc.. They always did. I just acted like I didn't care. It hurts to see my best friend think of me in that way." Roc lets me go, "Well, you kind of put yourself out there in that way." I put my hands into fists, "It's not my fault! My life's been rough.." Roc raises an eyebrow, "Are you going to tell me about it?" I look at him and look back out the window. Roc has been my best friend every since freshman year. I never told him anything bout my life ever since though.
I suck in a huge breath, "When I was little, my life was perfect. My mom and dad were so happy, so that made me happy. But as I got older, they got into so much arguments that I couldn't even count. Arguments turned into screaming, screaming turned into things getting broken, and things getting broken turned into fights.. I cried every night in my room hoping everything would stop. Then one day my mom and my dad finally told me they were getting divorced. I asked what does that mean and they said they were leaving each other.."
Roc continued driving, but he made sure to listen to every word I said. I continued, "I got worried. I asked what was going to happen to me? My mother said that I was going to stay with her. I wondered if I was ever going to see my dad again. She made sure I did, but then he slowly faded out of my life. I have no idea where he is now. My mom continued going out with other guys. Every relationship ended in fights and my mom leaving. I thought what my mom was doing was what I should do too. My mom went through four boyfriends after my dad. Two years ago, she did something that scarred me forever.."
Roc parked in front my house. He turned to look at me, "What happened?" I sigh, "I told my mom I was going to pack my bags so we can move into another house. She stopped me and said that I would be staying. I didn't understand what she meant at first, but then it hit me. I cried and screamed, asking her why I couldn't go with her. She sat down with me and told me it's going to be alright. She just needed some time alone. She promised she'll be back soon. I was scared to stay with Step Dad #4. If he would fight with my mom all the time, what would he do to me? I haven't seen my mom in four years now and I became a "rebel" ever since."
Roc holds my hand, "I never knew it was so rough for you." I turn to him and look down, "Ever since she left I thought it was okay to follow in her footsteps. I've dated every boy in our grade, cheating on them and breaking up with them after like one week. But now being a senior, I want more.. I want to be loved. But I only know love the way my mom showed it: Being with a different guy every month and leaving her own daughter. I wanted to be loved and I wanted to give it back.. But I have no one for that.. It hurts, everyday.." Roc looks away, "It's because you're looking in all the wrong places and won't ever focuse on what's right in front of you." I look into his eyes, "Whenever I look at you.. I see a chance for love.. But you wouldn't dare go out with me.. Not with my reputation." I look away tears forming..
