(OLD VER.) Avenue 17 | SVT ENSEM.

[ 十六 ］SIXTEEN

[ "sometimes you're kinda difficult to love" ]

soonyoung made sure that he moved whenever jihoon was distracted by someone else. he really tried not to be obvious but sometimes, you just couldn't escape jihoon's sense. soonyoung had just grabbed the cake box from chan's fridge and tried to leave the house when jihoon spotted him, "kwon soonyoung." he froze and turned around. "y-yeah?" jihoon pointed with his eyes, "what's that?" was there a point in lying? to lee jihoon? "it's cake." he simply said. to be honest, he was shaking. he didn't want to ruin the experience to come. jihoon cracked a smirk, "stealing cake, i see." soonyoung laughed awkwardly. "hehe...yeah. i'll be right back see you-" and he rushed off. jihoon noted that he went the opposite way of the lifts.

soonyoung went up to the roof and squinted his eyes. the wind was picking up... that was not good. he chanted for the wind to die down a little and not be too harsh as he made his way to the bench where he had previously set the drinks down. all that was left was to get jihoon up here. soonyoung sat for a while, though, just to check if everything was perfect. it had to be because it was lee jihoon, the absolute epitome of perfection. soonyoung sighed and covered his nose with his hand to make sure it doesn't fall off from the cold wind. he thought about jihoon as he looked out over the city. maybe he really was in love with him. at times his heart and mind would be so full of love and thoughts of jihoon, that he wouldn't be able to function properly. "ah, the things you do..." he whispered.

as he reached into his pocket to send a text to jihoon, he heard the roof entrance click open. "so this is where you are." jihoon said, walking toward soonyoung. the boy was scared. things really weren't going to plan and he felt overwhelmed at all this sudden change. he felt as if he might faint. "i..." soonyoung really needed to catch his breath. jihoon took the seat next to him, the food caught between the two on the bench. "what's this?" jihoon picked up a bottle of the strawberry latte and examined it. "look, jihoon... i wanted this to be more... romantic and you suddenly catching on is throwing me the fuck off... so i'm sorry if i fuck up tonight." soonyoung decided to preface without looking at jihoon, instead choosing to play with the bottles.

"romantic?..." soonyoung nodded. then quickly changed the subject. "let's eat. joshua hyung specially made this." soonyoung opened the cake box and was greeted with a delicious looking strawberry roll cake, with little hearts sprinkled on top. he looked up and gauged jihoon's reaction. so far... neutral. soonyoung's lips formed a thin line as he begged himself to push through. jihoon was handed a plastic fork and he cut a good chunk of the cake and ate it. he chewed as he looked over the city. soonyoung nervously watched jihoon eat as he begged for a sign that told him he was doing something- anything- right.

"you like it?" soonyoung asked. jihoon had taken a few more bites, "never doubted those two. even those plain ham and cheese buns you got from them could taste good enough for me to eat three in one day." soonyoung smiled, then pushed jihoon to try the strawberry lattes. "never had these before." he commented, shaking the bottle so the strawberry would mix with the milk. jihoon finished his cake and dropped his fork into the cake box.

he chuckled when realisation dawned upon him, "i'm not even a fan of strawberries, yet this is all you've been feeding me." soonyoung shyly smiled back at him, "i told you, i was trying to be romantic so... i thought pink was good to start and all i thought of always strawberries," he finally popped open the lid off the milk. "plus, strawberries aren't like, the worst fruit in the world... here." he passed the open one to jihoon, who took it gratefully. soonyoung did the same to the other and took it for himself.

"very sweet." jihoon commented. soonyoung hummed. some kind of feeling was eating at him from the inside. it's just that all jihoon's reactions were... neutral. and it irked the shit out of him. why couldn't he show more? soonyoung really badly needed to know if he was doing any of this right or if he was just quietly pissing jihoon off for wasting his time. soonyoung just hung his head in shame as a thought came to him.

sometimes it's such a pain to love someone like lee jihoon.

his posture changed into a slouch as tears pricked his eyes. he willed i'm self to keep control.

"what are you trying to be romantic for?" jihoon cut through his thoughts. soonyoung took a deep breath and blink any tears away. "i was trying to, i don't know, appeal- or something like that- to you so that you like me. you know, that's how... how crushes work. so i was trying to be all romantic and all but honestly, all i've been feeling is stressed and it's really not helping the atmosphere-" "soonyoung. take it back a few steps: 'crush'? what are you going on about?" somehow the way jihoon phrased his question made it sting even more and tears pricked at soonyoung's eyes yet again. "i... isn't it obvious by now, jihoon? i like you!" desperation poured out from every word.

"and what's not helping is the fact that i don't know how i'm doing because you never gave me feedback. nothing telling me how i've been doing tonight. and- and it's really difficult to be on this receiving end, ji. because i really fucking like you and i feel like all i've been doing tonight is fucking up and making you feel pressured to act like you want to be here! i... i can't take this, ji." soonyoung closed up the cake box. "i won't continue to force you into being here when you don't want to be. you can go."

"wait." jihoon threw his arm to catch soonyoung's jacket sleeve. "stay." soonyoung gave a sad smile, "i've said too much, ji. i don't want you to act like you want to be here and do this when you don't." jihoon didn't know how to respond.

with that, soonyoung took his cake and left. left jihoon alone up there on the roof; two bottles of strawberry milk by his side, both opened and unfinished (perhaps a symbol of their unfinished conversation) along with the thoughts and questions floating in his head. one of them, the biggest question of them all:

why?

a/n: I WAS SUCH A DUMBASS W THIS CUS I FCKED IT UP BUT YK ISSOK ITS HERE! late :( bc i couldn't access WP again BUT! solution, i got a vpn !! so i can actually respond to ppl on time yeee ilyall! prepare for svt comeback yeeyee!

호랑해! 🐯
- eli