Baby Maker

Chapter 17

"Stop," I whispered as his lips were only a centimeter away from mine. Jax froze but he didn't move away from me. "I still have to find the guts to leave you and the baby after this. If you kiss me, it will only make it that much harder," I explained quietly. Jax took a step back before releasing a breath.

"If I could, I'd send you off somewhere no one would able to find you... but I don't think you'd stay there," he said with a small smile. He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me into a hug.

"I'm sorry," he apologized. I sighed and wrapped my arms around him as my head rested against his chest.

"You don't need to be sorry. It's my fault. I've known what the ending would be since the beginning," I assured him. He pulled back only enough to catch my lips with his. The kiss took me by surprise. I stood there frozen as his soft lips caressed mine. I couldn't tell if the kiss was out of pity or love, but it did make reality harder to accept. When he finally pulled away, I could only stare at him. I felt numb as the excitement was quick to take over my body. I could feel my adrenaline and desire coursing through my veins as I stood there.

"I don't know if I'll be okay enough to leave now," I muttered.

"I don't want you to leave. You're the only person in my life I can have an honest conversation with. For once, this house, and my life, doesn't feel so lonely and empty," he said resolutely. I felt my eyes water on their own as my own frustration took over the excitement.

"It's not like I'll be allowed to stay!" I snapped at him. His words caught in his throat as he cut off whatever words were planning on coming out next.

"I didn't ask you to stop because I didn't feel anything. I asked you to stop because I was already feeling more than I'm allowed to. I was trying to keep my mouth shut and just suffer through this whole thing silently, but I can't anymore. I love this baby. I think of him as my son. He's my blood too. In the beginning, I was okay, but I didn't expect to feel this strongly for either of you. I like you Jax... more than I should and in a way I'm not allowed. I asked you to stop because I was already struggling to bite my tongue. Now what am I supposed to do?" I ranted as the tears rolled down my face.

"I love you, so I'll try to figure it out," he said calmly. He glanced at his watch before he sighed. "It's getting late, and you're probably already tired. Try to get some sleep," he said before disappearing up the stairs. I sighed as I tried to calm myself down. I hated to admit it, but his confidence made me believe that he could handle it. I went to my room and took a bubble bath to try and calm my nerves more. When I was getting my maternity night dress on, I felt a kick. I froze and held my stomach as I waited. I felt the tiny foot kick against my hand quickly.

"Jax! Jax!" I started yelling before I could stop myself. A few moment later he burst into my room looking around worried.

"What happened? Are you okay?" He asked as he came to look me over. I grabbed his hand and placed it on my belly as I waited. After a little coaxing, he kicked again. Jax's watery eyes went to mine as I smiled. Jax smiled before both of his hands went to my stomach.

"Are you kicking your mommy, little one?" Jax cooed at my stomach. I stopped when I realized what he said and how intimate we were. My smile fell as I moved my hands off of his. I felt the blush creep into my cheeks as I tried to look anywhere except to him. Jax seemed to notice his mistake and my change in mood as he pulled his hands away from my stomach too.

"I hate this," he muttered to himself.

"I want to be with you," he said clearly as he looked to me. I found myself smiling lightly at his confession. Even though I couldn't act on it, it comforted me to know that I wasn't the only one feeling this way. That Jax actually had the same feelings that I did.

"It's okay. I know I can never be this baby's mother. I know why you can't protect me and I really don't blame you, but I really hope that you'll figure out a way to protect our son," I said honestly. I could handle getting my heart broken, but I wouldn't be able to handle it if our son got hurt.

"I'll find a way to protect you both," he said with determination. I knew it was impossible, but appreciated the fact that he tried to make me feel better. I leaned over slightly to place a gentle kiss against his cheek. I smiled sadly and looked to my stomach as the baby started kicking again.

"You're running out of room in there, huh?" I coped at my belly.

"Have you thought of any names for him yet?" Jax asked hesitantly. I shook my head and kept my eyes down as my hands rubbed over my stomach.

"I didn't want to get too attached, but it was pointless in hindsight. I'm attached anyway. I've always liked the name Sterling. It translates to 'little star' and I always saw myself adoring any children I bore. Granted, these aren't those circumstances," I trailed off.

"If you like it, that's what we'll name him," Jax said quickly. I shook my head as I finally looked at him.

"Don't... what good does it to if I name him. I'm sure your parents already have something in mind," I replied. He sighed and scratched the back of his head awkwardly.

"I want to refute that, but you're probably right. I don't care; his name is Sterling. I'm going to do my best to protect you, but if I can't, I want to make sure a piece of you stays with him. He really is our little star after all," Jax smiled softly.

"You plan on telling him that I'm his birth mother?" I asked surprised. He nodded.

"If it ever gets to the point where I can't protect you, I want our son to know his origin story. If I end up having to marry Siobhan and she's cold to him, I don't want him to feel like his mother doesn't love him. I'd rather him paint me as the bad guy for letting you go because if it gets to that point, I really am the bad guy," he explained easily.

"We should sleep," I changed the subject as I blushed. Jax stood before placing a hand on my stomach and a kiss on my forehead.

"Goodnight, Min... Goodnight, Sterling," Jax said to us before leaving my room and closing the door behind him.