Crawling Back to You

Proposal*2

The door jingled as I stepped inside the comforting warmth of the Lima Bean. Fortunately, the line was short so I soon had a medium drip for myself and a nonfat mocha for my expected guest.
"Thank you." I told the young barista as I carefully took the two hot beverages from her hands. I hesitated and turned back to her. "Oh, can I get two biscotti cookies a well?"
She nodded as she typed in my new order. "$5.28, please."
I set the cups down and paid before finding the table where we always sat at.
The door jingled and I looked up. My anxiety shot up as I realized it was just another customer I didn't know.
However, not a minute later, he came in. This day, Kurt wore white skinny jeans, black leather boots that stopped just below the knee. His navy sweater buttoned up the side and I let my eyes linger on his visible neck line. His hair was styled to perfection and his unmistakable smile seemed to melt away all nerves that I had been feeling a second prior.
"Hey." he breathed as he approached me.
I pulled a chair out for him. "Please have a seat, Monsieur." I offered him formally.
He nodded and I saw a silent laugh escape his lips. "Don't mind if I do. Thank you kind sir."
As he took his seat, I handed him his drink. "One nonfat mocha for the gentleman."
He gingerly took the steaming cup from my hands. "Why the formal dialogue?"
I didn't answer as a different barista approached us. "Biscotti." she told us as she set two ceramic plates on the table with their signature cookies resting vertically across the white disks.
Once she had left, I helped myself to my own seat just across from Kurt. "So," I began. "What's new with you?"
Kurt took a sip of his coffee and sighed out of pleasure. "Mmm....so good. I'm flattered you remembered my coffee order."
I smiled as I broke off a piece off my cookie. Carefully dipping it in my coffee, as I spoke, "Why wouldn't I forget it? Now, answer my question. What's new with you?"
Kurt gave me a confused look. "But I saw you just a few days ago!"
"Uh lauht happens in uh fuh days." I commented, my mouth full of coffee-soaked cookie.
He nodded as he blew on the surface of his drink. "True. Well...hmm..." he thought. After a second he looked up, a light ignited in his eyes. "Oh! Rachel sang a beautiful rendition of Frozen's Let it Go!"
I swallowed a heavenly mouthful of coffee. "It's been like two years since that movie came out and still people are so obsessed with that song!" Kurt shrugged and opened his mouth to speak, but I wasn't finished. "I used to love that song! Anything sang by Idina Menzel is breathtaking, but with how popular Let it Go has become, I'm finally tired of her. That's rare coming from me, a Broadway nerd. It's just like Thrift Shop, All About That Bass, or... or... All of Me." I shuddered as I added, "Or Call Me Maybe... I can't stand that song anymore even though it was the song that appointed me as the next Rachel Berry at the beginning of senior year..." I shook my head. "But I guess that doesn't surprise me that Rachel would sing that song. She and her mom sound so much like Idina... That song is perfect for her."
Kurt was at a loss for words after my Let it Go rant. He sipped his coffee and nibbled on his biscotti, looking at me, wide-eyed.
"Sorry..." I whispered. "I kinda uhh... had to let it go." I teased.
Kurt laughed and I soon joined him. "Yeah, that song is the root of many puns now." we enjoyed each other's company for a while and slowly our hands were interlaced.
"I missed you so much, Kurt Hummel."
He averted his eyes, a playful smile still apparent on his face. "I'm so glad we found each other again..."
I pondered this. "But do you think it was really us who brought each other back together?" Kurt's narrow shoulders rose and sank. "I mean..." I scooted forward in my chair. "I mean think about it. We've been 'a thing' since my sophomore year. I propose, you accept, we're happily engaged for a year, we get selfish and split, I find your former persecutor and we strike a match off and on for a year, I quit my Broadway dream to be with him and end up back at Dalton. Then you start volunteering once in a while with the New Directions. Sam and Sue work together to get us to at least talk again. Next thing we know Karofsky is suddenly okay with moving on, I rekindle with you, and he quickly finds himself a new boyfriend. It wasn't us who found each other. It was our friends... and Sue." Kurt laughed in understanding when I struggled to mention our terrible principal/cheer coach.
His hand moved up and grasped tighter, assuring me he wasn't going to let go anytime soon. His brows furrowed as his mind went to work on a thought. I silently awaited his response, eager to see if I had made a good point.
With his other hand, Kurt finished off his coffee. As he set down the empty cup he met my gaze. "Do you..." He paused, rewound, and began again. "Do you think that... this was planned? Like not just our friends were involved in this..." He glanced out the nearest window at the evening sun. "Like a certain Someone had this all planned..."
I frowned. "Like a God?"
Kurt smiled slightly as the idea finished loading in his mind. Slowly he nodded. "Yeah.... like a God." he looked back to me and added, "Now I'm not saying I'm a Christian again... I'm not saying I've forgiven God... I'm just saying that this all just doesn't seem possible without a certain Being behind it all. An Architect or Oracle or... I don't know..."
My mind started whirring and clicking. I hadn't thought too much about God. I hadn't even been to church since my senior year of high school. I always made sure to not come home on Sundays because I knew my parents would drag me to the 'holy place of God'... But how could the craziness and wonderful-ness of our current situation be possible without a driving force? A sort of Director... Then I remembered, "Well isn't about time to forgive? I mean we really don't know if God is condemning us or if its just those Christians..." Kurt's full attention was on my words so I went on. "We don't have to believe in God, but from what I've read in the Bible it's pretty simple to be Christian. It seems like the hardest part is that we have to accept the Gospel, that Jesus Christ died on the cross to forgive us of all our sins, was buried, and rose again."
"But do you believe Jesus even lived?" Kurt questioned. "The Bible is a book. It very well could be fictional... made up and full of opinions, not facts." his eyebrow cocked, challenging me.
I bit my lip. Yeah... how could the Bible be real? After all, it took thousands of years to be put together... But... "Listen," I started. "we really don't know if this is all true until we die, right?" Kurt nodded. "But there is historical proof that these biblical characters did in fact exist. Also, most science leads to God and His creation and intentions..."
Kurt's hand drew from mine and disappeared onto his lap. I panicked inside, did I go wrong? "You're right." he said and I swear my entire anatomical self exhaled with relief. "But like I said... I don't think I'm suddenly Christian. But I just had this feeling that our remeeting was preplanned by a certain Someone... Do you think you believe in God again?"
After my whole Godschpeel I felt different, maybe comforted, maybe not. "I don't know, Kurt." I admitted. "There is a beauty in the Christians who do good for the world... I wanna be that Christian. Not the Christians who shove Jehovah down every nonbeliever's protesting throats. Not the super religious people who are so dead set on the Bible that they don't live." I smiled at my realization that yes, maybe I was ready to turn back to God after I had run from His embrace for so long. "I'm ready."
Kurt slid his empty plate to the center and stacked mine on top. "Ready to believe again? Ready to forgive all and become 'Godly' once again?"
"Kurt, look at me." I commanded softly. He needed to hear me word for word. Once I was staring into his liquid blue eyes once more, I said, "Yes, Kurt. I think I am ready to return to Christianity. I said I didn't want to be religious. I just want to be Christian. I want to love everyone relentlessly and share the peace God gives. I want to-"
" But being atheist-"
"I was never atheist-" I interrupted his interruption.
"Hear me out too." Kurt cut in once more. I sighed exasperatingly, but listened. "Even as an agnostic..." Kurt corrected. "you seem to do just that. You have always been the most Christian nonChristian I've ever met-"
"Because of my Christian background..."
"I know. I know." Kurt responded. "But I'm saying that you do not have to be Christian to live like that."
"But I'm saying I want to, Kurt!" I talked over him and his mouth closed. "I'm saying that being Christian gives one a Leader to follow and listen to. Being Christian allows one to remove their baggage and move on. Being Christian guarantees the faithful an eternal home in Heaven. I love that thought." I stood up and took our empty cups to the trash can, needing a breather. This wasn't the conversation I was expecting to have before I asked a very important question. However, as I turned back to my rekindled friend, I noticed his shoulders had slumped over and he had his head in his hand.
Passerby in the café glanced at him curiously, but continued on their way. "Kurt!" I exclaimed as I ran to his side and wrapped his body in my embrace. I fingered his hair and breathed in the scent of his lavender hair products. I heard him sniff and he pushed against me. "What's wrong?" I asked as I backed away and he stood up, his eyes were now red rimmed and he looked to the floor so as not to draw attention to himself.
"Nothing." he mumbled. A gradual smile made its way across his face, but I noticed how it trembled like a thread threatening to break. "Honestly, I'm fine."
"You sure?"
He nodded. "Can we walk?"
I grabbed my jacket and handed him his sweater. "Anything to make your day worthwhile."
•_•
The slight chill of the autumn evening bit at our cheeks and Kurt shivered with emotion and with cold. I took off my scarf and unfolded it. "Here." I told him as I wrapped the plaid material around his bent frame.
He gratefully took the scarf and wrapped it around his torso, twisting his hands into the fabric. "Thanks."
We made our way down the street of downtown Lima, my arm draped through Kurt's and his head leaning towards me (I'm shorter, so he couldn't really rest his head on me while walking...).
Finally I asked, "So what was with the breakdown back there?"
He bit his lip and busied himself window shopping as he explained, "Well as you know, when Mom died I began doubting God's existence." I nodded in understanding. "Then," Kurt continued, gazing at a men's trench coat on display in one of the stores. "Then I discover that I'm most certainly gay and that really pushed my faith down the drain." I pointed to an old piano sitting in the Lima Antiques store. His eyes lit up, but he moved on. "And then Dad's health plummeted and I was crushing on Finn who ended up becoming my brother and the competition I was feeling with Rachel... It all just tried me and tested me and I finally snapped." he stood up straight and kept walking, done with window shopping. I followed him closely behind. "So I convinced myself that God was just a made up being people created to set rules and force people to live by 'God's Way'. But there was no God. He left me with my mother." Kurt stopped walking right in front of the record store, Backtrack. "But then," he extended a hand to me and fingered the lapel of my jacket. "...you remind me of the good God brings. You remind me that there are only some of God's people who condemn us. You showed me that there is one thing that unites all Christians. Love." he whispered the last word just as he kissed me. Love escaped from his lips and swirled in my mouth like sugar and coffee. Bittersweet.
My hand came up and ran along his warm neck. I felt his own hand reaching around my back and pulling me in. Swift and strong. "I love you." I whispered.
"Less talk more kiss." he mumbled back and I laughed.
His lips were smooth and gentle, different from when so had kissed other boys. Karofsky was a ferocious kisser and I had to mentally prepare myself before letting him even think about kissing me! But with Kurt, I could ease into it. It felt more natural and mutual. It made me--
"Ahem."
Kurt's fingers stopped moving from where they had been fingering my belt loops.
"Ahem. Boys."
We froze and I quickly stepped back from Kurt.
Chad, the man who has owned the record store ever since I started going to McKinley was standing outside his shop giving us a warning glare. "You've been making sweet love for five straight minutes outside my shop. I would appreciate it if you would save the oral contact for when you are not in a public place. I have some customers complaining about seeing you two every time they have to turn towards the window."
We both looked down. The mood had died. "Sorry, Chad." I uttered.
"Didn't realize how long it had been!" Kurt exclaimed. "Sorry!"
Chad was a cool guy and he was one of my favorite store owners in Lima. "No problem, Blaine. Kurt." he told us. "Glad you two have made up. Just don't make out so close to my store front."
When Chad went back into the store, Kurt and I stared at one another and then couldn't help but laugh. "So are we official, Blaine?" Kurt asked once he had recovered.
"Oh yeeah." I confirmed as I slid my hand into my pocket, fingering the smooth box that had been in there since I woke this morning.
Kurt's eyes grew wide and his mouth opened. "Shoot!" he almost shouted.
"What is it?" I inquired.
He patted down his clothes frantically. "I swear I brought it!"
"Brought what?!"
Kurt ignored my question. "So do you mind walking me to my car? I need to get that."
He took off and I followed. "Get what?!" I called after him. "I have something to ask you first." I hesitated before saying, "Something... something I need to reask you..."
Kurt stopped and spun around. "Yeah, but it can wait. I have an even more important question to ask you, as soon as we get to my car."
•_•
"Don't look, cheater! Don't look!" Kurt exclaimed between laughter as he opened his car door.
I pushed him and peeked over his shoulder. "What is it, Kurt? What is it?!" I pestered him. "Can I see? Let me see!"
His hands grasped around a small rectangular shape as he stepped out. "Shut up!" he commanded. I did just that, but my joking expression must have remained apparent because Kurt approached me and ran a finger across my smirking lips . "Let's get serious, okay?"
I leaned over and kissed his cheek. A hand came up and gently pushed me away. "Not that way....yet." he told me.
I pouted, faking disappointment. "Okay..." Then my hand went into my pocket, quivering more than the first time I had done this. However, someone had the same idea...
When I looked up, Kurt was kneeling on one knee right there by his car in the Lima parking lot. A small, black box was resting in his hands, open like a four cornered clam shell. A silver band peaked out of a silken cushion, winking at me in the glint of the setting sun. Kurt looked to me, hopeful and anxious. "I'm gonna give it to you simple, Blaine, will you marry me once and for all?"
My throat seized up and my body shook. Then my cheeks tugged up and I was laughing and crying and an earthquake coursed through me as I too knelt down, opening my tan box with the bronze band I had specially made for Kurt. A music staff was etched into the material and I also had our initials engraved in the shape of a treble clef. "You stole my thunder!" I managed to say to an equally surprised Kurt. "But I'll say it anyways, Kurt Hummel? My amazing friend, my one true love, will you marry me?"
Before I knew it, nimble fingers were sliding the cool silver band onto its designated finger as I placed his ring on his own finger.
I gasped as I looked at the detail of my engagement ring. It was simpler than what I had done for Kurt, but I couldn't help but admire the outline of a warbler singing a series of notes out from its open beak that was etched across the top. "It's gorgeous!"
Kurt smiled and poked my chest. "Just. Like. You."
I laughed and we were once again interlocked in a kiss. It felt different. A good kinda different. As I ran a hand through Kurt's sleek hair and pecked his ear, I realized how right Burt had been when I had come to him to seek permission for his son's hand in marriage.
I was a mere 18 year-old. So young and carefree. I didn't understand the commitment that comes with getting married. All I wanted, all I knew, was that I wanted Kurt and I wanted him for life.
Now, I know. Standing there in that parking lot, oblivious to the glares and stares aimed our direction, unaware of the cheers and claps we received from supporters, I knew. I was and am ready to commit myself fully to this wonderful man. My best friend. My soul mate. My fiancé.
It ended too soon, but I felt Kurt pull away and I had to let him. He looked deeply into my tearful eyes. "Oh my God were engaged again!"
I laughed and exclaimed, "Oh my God yessss!" I turned to passerby and yelled for all the world to hear, "I'm engaged to Kurt Hummel!!!"
A hand yanked on my arm. "Pshhht!! Dad needs to know before the world does, doofus!"
With that, hand in hand, we made our way down to Hummel Tire & Lube.