What is love? (A Logan Lerman story)

Chapter 6

It's really early in the morning right now, because last night I had no sleep whatsoever, due to the fact I was overthinking about what Logan will say or think.

I mean, I can't get the thoughts out of my head. I can feel a panic attack coming on - I haven't had one in months!

*************
I had a mini panic attack this morning, for the first time in months. My mum had to calm me down. I guess I can officially say my anxiety is NOT getting better, and is just getting worse. I am just really scared to ask Logan, I don't know what to say!?

"Hey!" I shout to Eloise across the corridor.
"Hey," Eloise says smiling.
"What's wrong with you?" I ask, she seems really happy for some reason.
"You won't believe it, Luke might like me."
"What!?" I ask astonished.
"Luke. Might. Like. ME!"
Okay, I don't like Luke in any way whatsoever, and yes I am happy for her but this is the kid that beat the shit out of Logan, and I am not letting one of my best friends go out with some psychopathic bully.

"Eloise!" I exclaim, "You can't go out with him! He beat the shit out of Logan."
Eloise looked at me blankly, then replied, "Oh well." She shrugged and walked off.

Honestly, sometimes I don't even know what goes on in that girl's mind!

*************
At lunch I see Logan at the usual table, where me and my friends sit. I didn't get the bus this morning because of my panic attack, so I went to ask him if he wants to go and see Panic! At The Disco.

"Hi." I smile as I walk up to the table, with a tray of food in my hands. Logan looks up. "Oh, hi. Eh you weren't on the bus this morning, why?"
"Oh, I had a panic attack."
"Aah, okay. I hope you're okay."
"Yeh, I'm fine thanks."
I sit down at the table and begin to open my sandwich.
"Eh, Logan. Can I ask you something?" I say, nervously.
"Yeh, sure. Go ahead."
"This may sound stupid," I begin, "But by any chance do you like Panic! At The Disco?"
"Yeh, I've heard some of their songs, and to be honest I really enjoy listening to them once in a while."

Omg!!! Is all I can think. This means he will want to come to the concert with me, doesn't it?
"So, my dad got me tickets to go and see them next Friday, and like none of my other friends really like them, so I was wondering if you would like to come with me?" I look at him hopefully.
He smiles, "I'd love to!"
I can't help but feel ecstatic!
My heart starts racing.
"Okay," I answer, "Great, that's absolutely great! I'll text you the details and stuff tonight, if you want?"
"Yeh, sure." He replies. "What's your number?"
Okay, he asked for my number, and now I'll get his and this has to be one of the best days of my life! This cute, dorky boy, that I have some sort of crush on, has just asked for my number. So, I give him it. Then, we walk to form group, for lunchtime registration and go to our next lesson.

***********
I walk from the bus stop, back home, still buzzing with excitement about Logan accepting my invite. I still can't believe it!

When I arrive back home, I feel my pocket for my house keys, but as I do I hear shouting and it's coming from my house. But who is there to shout at? It's only me and my mum who live in this house. Unless, she has a friend over - but why would she shout at her friend? Then I realise, it had to be my dad - they argue the minute they see each other.

I walk in the living room where they are arguing. "Hi mum." I say smiling at her.
"Jenny," my mum says, angrily, "Go to your room, please. Me and your dad are talking."
"Well, you're not exactly talking, are you? You are screaming at each other." Then I suddenly realise I should have not of said that.
"DON'T YOU DARE WALK INTO THIS FUCKING HOUSE WITH THAT ATTITUDE, YOUNG LADY! I DON'T KNOW WHO YOU THINK YOU ARE, BUT IF YOU'RE GOING TO SPEAK LIKE THAT TO ME, I SUGGEST YOU GET YOUR ARSE OUT THIS HOUSE AND LIVE WITH YOUR DAD!" My mum rages. And when she rages, she is a friggin dragon, and I mean no fantasy, fairytale dragon, I mean a ferocious, fiery dragon.

I run upstairs to my room, tears beginning to run down my cheek - I am an emotional person/wreck, I actually cannot help myself. Then I slam my bedroom door shut and burry my face in my pillow and sob, with the shouting, which sounds like muttering, coming from downstairs.

I suffered from depression a few months back, and literally have just recovered. But now, I don't know. I think it's coming back, because of my horrid mum. I hate her. To be honest, all I can think of is someone to comfort me right now. I don't care who. I close my eyes and begin to dream, but all I can think about is Logan, and the concert and how I am so excited and-. Wait! I was meant to text him the details.

I dry my eyes, give myself a few minutes to calm down, then pick up my phone and enter Logan's number into it and text him all the details.

To: Logan

Hey Logan, it's Jenny.
I have the details for the Panic! Concert next Friday.
Friday night @ 7 - 11
We can meet at Starbucks if you want after school, at about 5. Give us time to get ready. Then we can get the bus. What do you say? X

Then I click send. Was a kiss necessary? Yes, I put kisses on all my texts.

A few minutes later, my phone pings. It's a message from Logan. I unlock my phone and it reads:

Logan
Hey, Jenny! Thanks for the details. I shall meet you at Starbucks at 5 after school. Can't wait to see you there. xx

Yeh, you guessed, I started hyperventilating. He put two, TWO friggin kisses. I love this boy, I honestly do. Like, can I marry him?

*********
A couple of hours later, after my dad has left, I walk downstairs to make myself a sandwich.

In the kitchen, is my mum, sitting at the table by herself, staring into space, drinking a cup of tea, with bloodshot eyes.

"What's wrong?" I ask her, trying to be as sympathetic as possible.
"Your dad came, as you saw, before." She begins, her voice croaky, from all the crying and shouting. "He was saying how he wants you to move to Australia with him."

Wait, woah, hold on a sec, Australia? Is he having a laugh? I would have to leave all my friends behind and Logan. No way.

"No. I don't want to." I say, sternly.
"I thought you wouldn't, and that's what I told your father, but does he listen? No!"
"Well, I'll speak to him, saying I don't want to go."

My mum smiles at me. I make my sandwich and go back upstairs. Why is life idiotic?