What is love? (A Logan Lerman story)

Chapter 3

My mum woke me up at 5:00 this morning to walk my dog, Millie, who's a Golden Retriever-she kept barking.
Like, hello? I am a teenage girl who needs her sleep because she has to go to hell the next day at 8:45 in the morning, and doesn't leave until 3:30 in the afternoon - is that torture or what?

So, I got back from my dog walk - it was raining so I was drenched, and had my breakfast. The next thing you know, some other piece of bad luck came to me. My mum had gone to work without telling me, which means I had to wash the dishes, hoover, sort the laundry out - basically all the chores you can think of! And now I can't find my goddamn tie and my bus comes in 15 minutes. 15 MINUTES!!!

****************
I found my tie, and I am now sitting on the bus, with my headphones in, watching the rain run down the window - like a loner. I've got a feeling today is going to be my "bad luck" day.

A few stops later, I notice a long queue of kids to get on the bus, and in this queue stands Logan. OH MY GOD! LOGAN LERMAN GETS MY BUS! That cute kid that started yesterday, gets my bus - MY BUS!
Maybe today won't be as bad as I think it's going to be.

As Logan walks on the bus he catches me staring at him - I didn't know. I must have been looking at him then fell into one of my daydreams - I'm a daydreamer. He smiles at me. I smile back. He then walks up the bus aisle. Before, it looked as though he was going to sit upstairs because it's a double decker bus, but no he sits downstairs - NEXT TO ME!!!

I feel my heart pumping fast. Is this what love feels like? I get butterflies in my stomach and begin to feel sick. Oh God, I hope I don't puke all over him. I need to contain myself and say something, but before I say anything he speaks to me.
"Eh, hey! I'm Logan. I seen you yesterday in form class. We have a lot in common, I think."
Ok, calm down think what to say next.
"Hey. Yeh. Em, I'm Jennifer but you can call me Jenny. And yeh, oh yeh we're in the same form group, aren't we? I have a bad memory."

What the hell have I just said? I have a bad memory - what?! No I don't have a fucking bad memory. I swear down, if this is love, I am done with this shit!
Before I can say something to save myself from the bad memory thing, Logan says something again.

"When I was queuing for the bus, I eh saw you checking me out." he giggles.
I turn bright red - redder than a tomato!

"Oh, eh, yeh. Sorry about that. It's natural. I was just looking down the queue like I normally do an-"

"And you saw me and fell in love. Yeh, I know how it feels to fall in love, but the funny thing is I don't even know what love is!" He interrupted with a smirk on his face.

Was he flirting with me? What even is flirting? How do you know if someone's flirting with you? I'll ask Eloise.
"Eh, well no. I just kind of got lost in a daydream."

"A daydream?" He asks rhetorically. "By any chance was that daydream about me?"

Ok, my face was about to burn.
"No! No, the daydream was not about you. I thought you were shy."

"Me, shy? Pfft, no way! I don't think anyways. I mean before you know me I am, however once you meet me I am no longer shy. I got bullied at my old school, that's why I left."

"Oh." I reply "I'm sorry. I suffer from social anxiety, so I'm sorry if I'm being a bit awkward."

"Oh, no, no, no. Don't worry about it. I know it's just because you like me." He gives me a cheeky grin and a wink and before I can say anything else the bus arrives at school.

Damn, is all I can think. He was definitely flirting with me. He is no shy dick.

***************
Okay, so it's lunch and all I can think of is the bus trip this morning, and just how awkward I was. I'm cringing at the thoughts. I don't know if this is love messing with my head, or my social anxiety getting worse because that's what usually happens when you have social anxiety, you cringe on things that happened in the past.
I mean it can't be love, can it? I don't even know what love is.

"Hey! Jenny." I turn around and find Lindsey, and Eloise waving at me on the other side of the lunch hall. I walk over to where they are and sit at their table.
"Hey guys." I say as I sit down.
"How's your morning been?" Asks Lindsey.
"Oh, Jenny's morning has been interesting. Hasn't it?" Eloise says before I can say anything.
"So, who's the lucky boy you have a crush on?"

Honestly, is that all Eloise can think about - boys?!

"What makes you think I have a crush on someone?" I question Eloise.

"Well, all you've done this morning is daydream. That's why you got told off about ten hundred times in Maths and History. And that's what girls do when they're in love. And in some lessons you were smiling to yourself."

Shit. She's good. How does she know so much about love and the side affects? Does she research it? And wait, woah, what the heck! I was smiling?! Oh God, something's wrong with me.

"It's not that Logan kid, is it?" Asks Lindsey. "Because every fucking girl, I swear fancies him."

"That won't last long though," I imply "I mean he's shy and I doubt any of the "populars" would want to date some sort of shy kid."

"Just because you want him to yourself." laughs Lindsey.

"Excuse me gals," Eloise begins, "Logan is mine, bitches."

"Ok, calm your tits." Lindsey and Eloise start creasing at each other.

Luckily, as they start laughing, Kate walks over.

"What's up with them two?" Kate asks confused.
"God knows?" I say, "God Knows?"

*************
I swear down, I am done with school. Logan won't leave my head. Like, fuck off, I don't want you taking over my mind! Also, some of the teachers are taking the piss.
Especially Mr Sparks. Who the hell does he think he is? He thinks he is the only one with problems in the world, therefore the whole universe apparently hates him. Excuse me, but do you think you would have a wife if everyone hated you, or have a job? You wouldn't even have a fucking job if everyone hated you, so stop complaining.

"Hey, honey." My mum walks in to my room. "Sorry about this morning, something important had to be done at work."

"It's fine mum." I reassure her. "I can cope and I coped."

"So, how was school?"

I would have said shit but then she would have probably killed me and told my dad (who doesn't live with me and my mum. They split up four years ago) who would've killed me even more.

"Eh, it was ok, I suppose."
"That's good to hear." she smiles and walks out my room shutting my bedroom door behind her. I honestly wish that bedroom door was the door to my mind so I could shut out all these thoughts.

*************

It's 12:45am and yes I have school tomorrow but I can not get to sleep!
It's Logan. He's haunting my mind and won't fucking leave me be.
So, I put my headphones in my ears and start listening to Panic! At The Disco. Yes, they are soothing to me, however they might not be soothing to you but people are entitled to their own opinions.

Eventually, I fall asleep - with Logan still in my mind.