My story

The turning point

After 8th grade graduation I felt better. I didn't hear my friend as much. I thought it was all going to be better. Boy was I wrong. She was in control now. I just didn't notice. I became addicted to self harm. She got what she wanted I was suffering. I started looking up how to loose weight fast, How to be anorexic,and how to stop feeling. I carried myself like I was okay. I knew I wasn't. Freshman year was here and I got this boyfriend i thought I loved him. I have had many relationships before but this one was different. I trusted him. I didn't feel sad or lost. The emptiness was fading. I knew what it was I just didn't want to admit it. I developed this ability to run away from my feelings. I was able to hide from them for 4 months. But she came back and was louder than ever. Her voice brought me falling back into reality. I was not meant to be happy. 2 more months with him passed and I knew the breakup was coming before it did. When it came though it felt terrible and it wasn't even because of anything really just because all my emotions came hitting me harder than ever the. The depression and anxiety. He got with a beautiful girl. She was perfect i just wanted to be like her. I didn't want to be with him. I just wanted to feel pretty. I think that's why I couldn't not be with someone. They made me feel wanted. When they are gone the feeling of being someone that others want is gone. Freshman year chewed me up and spit me out. my anxiety was worse. The cutting was worse. My mom saw my cuts. She thought they were just for attention. I just couldn't tell her what was going on with me. I was 15 years old and just done with life.