My story

why Cant i just stop carring

I finally caved in and told my mom  Austin that I wanted to see my Dr. again. I had my first appointment I thought it would be different. I still open my mouth to say something but the fear gets to me. I was losing my mind. I just wanted help. I met a friend named Bella she was beautiful. I would do anything for her. She kept me grounded. That was until she was no longer grounded herself. I felt like an ass. I wasn't a good person or a good friend. I just wanted to get the words please help me out of my mouth. Bella and me started shoplifting. I don't know why but it stopped my head from spinning. Freshman year ended. i spent all summer working out. I just got obsessed with the number on the scale. The more the numbers dropped the happier I got. My friend finally told me her name. It was Anna she was leading me up to this point. I developed a guide where I had to work out when I woke up then go run then wait 3 hours to eat. I'd cut all serving sizes in half. And drink green tea and two big cups of water. I started to force myself to throw up. I would tell myself the more I'd loose the better I'd be. I started to log all I ate then I got worse I started making up reasons not to eat. Putting my food in my cheek and then spitting it out when nobody was looking. Is it bad that i wasn't proud of myself unless i burned more calories than what I ate that day? I could see the weight I was dropping. I loved it. I started school and it became harder to hide it all because of school. Then I got a job at taco bell with my childhood best friend. It was hard to not eat around her but I was doing good. Until she caught on she ended up making me eat again and watched me till all my food was gone. I just wanted to be in control. That was the only way I had control.