A Different Path | STAR WARS Rebels

2 | past mistakes

The world stopped. I was frozen in time. My feet stayed still but my mind raced a hundred parsecs a minute. Ezra, my Ezra, Ezra Bridger, was standing in front of me. For the past four years I had longed for him, searched for him. I wanted him to hold me close, I wanted him to hold me up and spin me around.

I thought about that night we sat on top of the Ghost. The sky was so clear and the stars were perfect. We gazed into each others eyes and whispered secrets in the dark no one would ever know. And we kissed, and for the first time in my life, I felt love.

My mind raced forward to the last mission, the last day, the last time I ever saw him. His voice over the comm and I knew this was it. I wanted to stop him so badly, even if it meant wrecking everything. Because I knew our team could never recover, I knew I would never recover.

And look where we are now.

I leapt to my feet and ran to hug him. He smiled and hugged me back. He smelled like ship fuel and sand. Two tears fell from my eyes and found their way into his cloak.

Turning to look at him I said, "It's been so long."

"Sabine, I am so sorry..."

My heart ached, I was still so hurt that he had left and never came back. So many questions still lingered. How long had he been planning this? Why didn't he tell me? Did he think it would be easier? Why didn't he trust me?

Suddenly I realized these feelings I was harboring weren't just grieving a loss, there was also anger and resentment. He couldn't have possibly bothered to contact us in four years to let us know he wasn't dead? I thought he loved me.

Jedi are forbidden from having attachments to people.

I remember learning this once, a long time ago. Stupid Jedi religion and its rules. Now I was the one paying for it and I wasn't even training to be a Jedi!

I slapped him across the face. Crynn gasped. This jerk was the reason Ahsoka and I had paraded all over the galaxy searching for him. For years. My heart was finally beginning to heal, and the dreams were starting to go away. He couldn't just show up here out of no where.

"DO YOU KNOW HOW LONG AHSOKA AND I SEARCHED FOR YOU!???" I wailed. People in the cantina began to look up from their drinks and glare at us. I took a deep breath and then stormed outside. If Ezra wanted to talk to me, he would follow me out.

This was definitely harder than I ever thought it would be. Not that I was thinking about it all the time.

"Hey, I know, I was-- I mean, I shouldn't have taken off like that," Ezra stuttered as he walked in front of me, holding his face. I grabbed his hand and tore it away from his cheek. I needed to get a good look at him. Ezra had changed in four years. He grew out his hair so it curled around his ears. He looked taller and stronger; he looked like a man.

My emotions were hitting me all over the place. Part of me was furious. Two years. Two long years we wasted trying to find Ezra. Every system, planet, outpost... and we never even turned up with a clue.

By that point Ahsoka had gotten sick and we had given up hope. I returned to the Rebel Alliance for a little while, and made friends with Crynn. But the Rebels were becoming too politically corrupt themselves. Hera had lost her leadership position, now that she had to take care of her son, and no one was kind to anyone anymore. It didn't feel right, it didn't feel like a family. I was heartbroken.

So Crynn and I left the Rebels. It was one of the hardest decisions I had to make, but it was the right one. On Lothal, I outsmarted a space pirate in a game of cards and won his ship. The Red Dawn. She flew perfectly and had just enough space for us and the cargo we were smuggling. Then one time when we helped rebuild a village on Jakku, a droid named R4-S4 began following us everywhere. Crynn loved it, she kept calling them 'Esther.' I tolerated the droid, and they ended up helping us quite a bit.

We were a good crew, we smuggled food and supplies and shipped it to those in need. Factory workers, families who had been deported, and isolated villages. Crynn, Esther and I were doing the Rebellion's chores. While we may not have been hitting the Empire where it hurt, we were spreading hope and assurance to people all around the galaxy. It reminded me how the Spectre Crew used to be.

It was a lot better use of my time then galavanting around looking for Ezra.

"What did you mean," I spat, trying to keep it together. "When you send you were counting on me?"

Ezra looked at me with a face full of hope and longing. "I knew you wouldn't give up. I was counting on you to keep the Rebels alive."

My heart sank. "Well, I failed. The Rebel Alliance isn't what it used to be, and--"

I paused, thinking of how Ezra would react when he knew I was no longer part of the Rebellion.

"And what?" Ezra lifted his brow.

I sighed. "And I am no longer a part of it."

He didn't look upset at all. I watched a sand storm swirl and billow in the distance.

"I find that hard to believe." Ezra grinned. Was he even taking me seriously? The wind and sand whipped against us and Ezra's hair danced around his forehead. He glanced at the storm coming. "Come on, we can talk about this inside." Ezra placed his hand around my shoulder and led me back into the cantina.

I tried not to think about how much my heart ached. Because deep down I knew--

I knew that a tiny part of me was still in love with him.